


Dysfunctional

by Jitaeri



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Gang Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, self made families, slow burn gdyb i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6679354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jitaeri/pseuds/Jitaeri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were a dysfunctional family at best, but they were still a family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Importing my fics from asianfanfics.net while editing spelling errors. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1: Beginnings

* * *

It was cold, the type of cold that would hurt your lungs if you breathe in too deeply. Even though every step was met with an audible crunch of fresh snow, Dongwook trudged on. His ten year old body fought hard against the wind that whipped his scarf around and threatened to blow him away. He was already becoming tired and by that point, he wanted nothing but to give up; however, a little squeeze of his hand reminded him how important it was that he continued.

Through the small gap between his hat and coat, Dongwook turned around and squinted at the little figure following closely behind him. Jiyong was wrapped up in so many layers, he was about the size of a baby polar bear. The five year old was blindly following his older brother, stepping in the tracks that Dongwook left behind him, grasping his hand tightly. Dongwook tried his best to walk directly in front of Jiyong to try and shield the little one from as much wind as he could. As an older brother, it was his job to watch out for Jiyong.

Nobody was expecting the light snowfall to turn into a freak storm. When it started to snow lightly right after school let out, no one was worried. Children met up with friends, tutors started their study sessions, and after school activities went on as planned. Many kids had wandered into a nearby park to play with the little snow that had already fallen, Jiyong and Dongwook included.

Right after school let out, Dongwook waited patiently for his brother, like he always did. He was anxious to get home. The dance club that he was in was having a competition in a few weeks and he couldn't afford to waste time. The sooner he got home and finished his homework, the earlier his mom let him leave to meet up with his friends. Jiyong, however, was adamant about playing in the park for awhile. He pouted and whined, and then screamed at Dongwook until his lips began to quiver and tears threatened to spill over his already red-brimmed eyes.

"You never have time to play with me anymore!" He cried. "You don't even care about me! I hate you!"

That had hurt Dongwook deeply. He knew that ever since school had started up again and he joined the dance club, he wasn't able to spend as much time as he used to with Jiyong. He didn't know that Jiyong was this upset about it. If there's one thing in the world that Dongwook cherishes, it would be the fact that he was a big brother. Whereas many thought of younger siblings as nuisance, Dongwook happily did his duties as an older sibling and genuinely enjoyed spending time with Jiyong.

Being a big brother came as easily as breathing to Dongwook and he would not give it up for anything else in the world. Not wanting Jiyong to be upset, Dongwook smiled and wiped the tears that stained the younger's cheek.

"Let's go to the park," Dongwook declared, and the two brothers happily raced to the park (Dongwook intentionally slipping so that Jiyong would beat him by about half a second). They weren't there for long, having just built a snowman and rejoicing over the increase in snow by starting a snowball fight, when the snow really started to fall down heavily. Dongwook eyed the skies warily. He decided it was best that they leave now. Other children took notice and followed suit.

"Let's go home," he said, urging Jiyong to hurry a little. Happy that he spent time with his brother, Jiyong was willing to comply. They walked and walked and walked...

And now, well, Dongwook wasn't sure where they were. The blizzard made it almost impossible to see far in any direction and the lack of any sort of buildings nearby made finding shelter nearly impossible. Usually, everyone rather enjoyed the secluded location of the school. Far enough away from the downtown area to avoid the chaos of city life, yet close enough to the residential area that biking and even walking wasn't too much of a hassle. The sight of wildlife and forest scenery also added to the school's strange allure. With only forest on either side of them, Dongwook led Jiyong onwards. Before they would get to the residential area, the forest will thin out and disappear completely, which would mean that they were going to have to navigate through a stretch of road with nearly nothing to tell them if they were going the right way. Somewhere along there, the road branched out into two paths, one leading to the country side and one leading home. With the snow already building past their ankles, it was going to be the toughest part of their journey.

"Are you okay?" Dongwook asked Jiyong. He had to speak louder due to the wind. He could see Jiyong moving his lips, but no sound came out. The wind muffled the noise and so Dongwook had to lean in very close as Jiyong replied in his loudest voice, "I'm okay!". A quick once over told him that, though a little fatigued, his little brother was fine. They trudged onwards.

Time passed and the situation only grew worse. What was usually a ten minute bike ride or a roughly twenty minute walk was turning into a long, arduous hike through the snow. Before, they felt the cold, whipping wind on the parts of their body that a jacket or a hat couldn't cover (namely their nose and cheeks). Now, despite the layers of clothing and the walking (which by then became a physical chore), the cold started to seep in from their finger tips and toes. The forest that blocked most of the wind had thinned out completely, leaving them horribly exposed. Not only were they facing the wrath of the speeding wind, but Dongwook was leading them through pure instinct. If he didn't go the right way, he could end up leading them straight to the country side and maybe even to their doom.

Another glance at Jiyong only worried him further. Cheeks a deep red and snot falling freely from his nose, Jiyong was forced to breath through his mouth. Though he didn't complain about it, Dongwook knew that the five year old had to be exhausted. _Should we stop?_ he wondered as they walked on, fighting against the wind. _But we're so close, I can feel it._ Though slightly unsure of their exact location, he had this overwhelming sense of familiarity. And then he saw it; the line of rooftops in the horizon.

"Jiyong-ah!" he cried. "We're almost there! We're almost home!" He turned around to pull his brother into a hug, but he found that he had wandered away from him and was behind a few steps, standing next to a giant snow drift.

"Jiyong!" he cried out, but the younger did not budge. Practically jumping through the snow (partly out of joy, and partly because the snow was almost to his knees in that area), he made his way to his brother. Clapping a hand on his shoulder, he was about to tell him the good news until he saw a dark figure laying at his brother's feet. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was.

"Step back," Dongwook murmured and when Jiyong did not move, he forcefully grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him away. Dongwook knelt by the body and tried to remember what the drama characters did whenever they encountered an unconscious person. Half obscured by a snow drift, he would not have seen it at all if his brother hadn't been standing there. Dongwook didn't want his brother to see this, but he already has. As much as he wanted to leave and finish their trek home, he couldn't. He wanted to know if the kid was...was _gone_.

Fighting the feeling of trepidation, he reached out towards the body. It was lying on its side, facing away from him. He could see glimpses of short black hair peeking out from a wool hat, leading him to believe that it was a young boy. _Oh please don't be_.... Again, Dongwook couldn't finish the thought.

He tugged on the boy's coat until the body flipped over onto its back and immediately, he wished he hadn't. Nobody should be so pale and their lips shouldn't be so...so blue...and their eyes...their eyes....

He didn't say anything.

Dongwook stood, took his brother by the hand, and half guided, half dragged his sibling away. They walked away in silence.

The closer they came to the residential area, the more bodies became apparent. Children as old as they were, who had come so close yet didn't make it...Such a realization brought tears to his eyes. He held back the tears, mostly because he was afraid his eyes would freeze shut and partially because he didn't want Jiyong to see.

 _Jiyong_.

Having lost most of the feeling in his hand despite of the mittens, he could no longer recognize the feeling of Jiyong's gloved hand in his own. Only occasional glances confirmed that Jiyong was indeed with him. He turned around, expecting to see Jiyong's little red hat out of the corner of his eye.

Even though his lips were almost frozen shut, an anguished cry like no other ripped its way out of his parted lips. It was a cry of absolute terror. He did not see Jiyong or his little red hat behind him. He could not find a lone figure in a navy blue coat standing out against the backdrop of white snow. He could only see the fallen bodies of those that had tried so hard, yet failed to reach their destination.

And now, he feared that Jiyong was amongst them.

* * *


	2. Life and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "**" indicates a memory

Dongwook was panicking. He frantically called out Jiyong's name looking everywhere for that little red hat. Somehow, he still had the sense of mind to retrace his steps by following his footprints. Wherever his prints branched off into two different paths, that's when he would know where Jiyong went. However, there was a flaw. He only managed to follow his tracks for a few meters before the trail abruptly ended; the wind was quick to cover his tracks. He had severely underestimated mother nature and that was a mistake that has costed him dearly.

"Jiyong!" he cried and he fell to the knees. He punched a fist into the ground and almost regretted doing so when his arm sank into the snow, sending ice into the sleeves of his jacket. By then, he could feel the tears hardening on his cheeks, frozen by the wind.

Just when he thought all hope was lost, he heard a faint noise. Most of the sound was carried away by the wind, but Dongwook could still identify the part that mattered.

"He-! ...wook-hyung!"

"Jiyong-ah?!" he cried, frantically looking around him. It took him a few minutes, but he could see the little red hat off in the distance. Dongwook immediately stood and went off in Jiyong's direction, though he didn't let out a sigh of relief just yet. Jiyong was lying on the ground and as Dongwook neared him, he still did not get up.

The ten year old approached with determination in his eyes. _We're so close. I'll carry him home if I have to._ Never mind that he was already dragging his own feet in exhaustion or that he had lost feeling in his hands; he _will_ get Jiyong out of this situation, no matter what.

As he neared, Dongwook's stomach dropped to the floor. On the ground besides Jiyong was yet another body. Even though it was not the first one they've seen, and it probably wouldn't be the last, each little body became etched in his memory. Like an alligator swimming in his subconscious, the images will resurface again and again for as long as he lived. It didn't matter so much that he would have long lasting scars from this, but it broke his heart to know that Jiyong will be just as scarred.

That's why when he was finally near enough to his younger brother, Dongwook wordlessly scooped him up into his arms and headed towards home.

Surprisingly, his rescue was met with a lot of resistance.

"Hyung, what are you _doing_? Let me _go_!" Jiyong cried while squirming and kicking. Not able to subdue him, Jongwook dropped the five year old and the little one scrambled back to the body half buried in snow.

"I'm trying to save you!" the older one yelled, more than a little confused. "Get away from that!"

"Hyung, he's alive!" Jiyong replied and Dongwook let out a little grimace.

The person wasn't moving, their eyes were closed and their lips a light blue. He tried to break the news to Jiyong gently.

"He's gone, Yongie," Dongwook whispered, but his younger brother replied with a vigorous shake of his head.

"He's _alive_ , hyung! He is!" Jiyong cried. At first Dongwook did not believe him, but something in Jiyong's eyes seemed so desperate that he was willing to inspect some more. Cautiously, he approached the body. He brushed the snow away and pressed his ear against the person's chest.

Nothing.

However, he realized that the person was wearing a jacket, so maybe...

With shaking hands, Dongwook partially unzipped the thin jacket to reveal a slightly tattered hoodie and the T-shirt underneath. Quickly, he pressed his ear against the person's chest and was surprised to hear a heartbeat.

 _He_ is _alive_...!

Using the last of his strength, Dongwook scooped the small body into his arms. Mostly carrying the small child in his inner elbow, he couldn't help but notice that the child was so small. Being ten, Dongwook himself couldn't remember ever being that small, and it reminded him a little too much of Jiyong. Listening to Jiyong treading close behind him, Dongwook felt like he leapt through the snow in an instant, even though the weather conditions prevented him from doing that in reality. Fighting through growing fatigue and the numbness that had nearly taken over his entire body, Dongwook ran towards the patch of houses.

He doesn't remember finally reaching his home and then knocking loudly on the door. Nor does he remember his Mom's screams of joy as she ushered her two sons, and an unknown third child, into the apartment.

She barely had time to celebrate before Dongwook collapsed at her feet, the other child tumbling onto the ground as well, followed by Jiyong opening his mouth to scream.

* * *

Kim Yun So was a nurse before Jiyong was born. She treated her children's cuts and bruises often and always took measures to ensure that they never had too serious of an injury. Dongwook has never even caught a cold before, let alone pneumonia, but she could not immediately think of any other diagnosis for his symptoms. As soon as he walked through the threshold of their home, he collapsed onto the ground and began shaking uncontrollably. Not only Dongwook, but the other child was already unconscious and blue. With both being in such critical condition, she had to act immediately.

"Jiyong-ah, get the heated blanket and meet me in your room," she instructed."After that, change out of your wet clothes. Eomma needs a lot of help right now." As if snapped out of a trance, Jiyong stopped screaming and scrambled to his feet.

Yun So scooped Dongwook into her arms with a groan. Dongwook was a lot heavier than she remembered. She carried him into the room he shared with Jiyong. Yun So stripped him of his jacket and the wet clothing underneath and replaced them with new, warm, dry clothes from his closet. Jiyong handed her the electric blanket and quickly stepped away. _Afraid of getting in my way?_ She wondered. _Or afraid of seeing Dongwook in such a state? Maybe both_ she concluded.

"Get the hot water bottle from my room and any empty bottles from the recycling container as well," she told her youngest and he scurried away again. In the mean time, she moved the other unconscious child and placed him on Jiyong's bed. She took his wet clothing and replaced it with some of Jiyong's clothes, which fit him quite well. After she had wrapped the heated blanket around Dongwook, Jiyong returned with an armful of plastic containers. She relieved him of his load and sent him to search for more blankets as she filled the bottles up with hot water in the bathroom.

Her two patients were both in critical condition and there is only one of her to go around. Even with Jiyong's help, she could almost feel their lives slipping further away from her. She was not a doctor and her home was not a hospital. There were limits to what she could do. The storm was likely keeping the health professionals busy and besides, how would they get to the hospital? It's nearly white-out conditions outside and walking was not an option. She could hardly imagine an ambulance trying to push its way through the snow dunes that had piled up on the road. Somewhere along the line, she might be pushed to make a choice; save the life of her son or save the young boy he brought with him. She will try her best to tend to both boys, but if worst comes to worst, her choice would the obvious one.

* * *

He couldn't get it out of his head, the images of the bodies.

In his mind, he thought he understood what death meant. Before, it was simple. To be 'dead' meant you lost your last life in a game and had to put another coin into the machine or when your HP hits zero, the background dissolved, and your character crumbled into a pile of pixels. It was when the words THE END came onto the screen or when a big KO was blinking in your face.

After his great aunt and pet goldfish died on the same day, he rethought the meaning of 'death'. To die is to close your eyes and go to sleep forever (or in his goldfish's case, float belly up at the top of the fishbowl and stop moving).

But today he understood death a little more. When you die, you won't come back. Even little kids like him could suddenly die and he wouldn't be able to stop it.

 _When you die, you won't get to see the people you love anymore._ That was what hit him the hardest. That was why he wanted to help that boy. When he saw the bodies in the snow, he felt this feeling in his stomach that had him squirming. It made him want to throw up.

 _That could have been me,_ he thought. 

**

_After walking for a million years and his feet started numbing up, he saw him._

_Dongwook hyung apparently did not see the body, or he chose to ignore it, and he just kept moving forward. Jiyong himself had no intention of stopping until he saw the body raise a shaking hand towards him._

_Jiyong's little hand slipped out of Dongwook's grasp like butter. He stumbled over and fell onto his knees by the body's side._

_Jiyong looked into the eyes of a boy that was his age. He was so pale and ice crystals had formed on his eyebrows and eyelashes._

What do I do? What can I do? _he thought. Over his shoulder, he saw that Dongwook was getting farther and farther away, but he didn't want to leave this kid behind to chase after his brother. The boy looked at him with eyes full of fear. Jiyong couldn't possibly leave him._

 _He looked into the eyes of the boy and thought,_ when I'm scared, what would I want?

_Instantly, he thought of his parents and Dongwook and he knew what to do._

_Jiyong took off his mittens and held the boy's hand. He looked into his eyes and said, "Don't be afraid. Everything will be all right."_

_It might not be true, but it's what he would have wanted to hear. It was what Dongwook and his parents would have told him._

_He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but over time, he watched the boy's eyes close and Jiyong felt his heart jump to his throat._

Did I just watch this person die? 

**

Soon after that, Dongwook found them and the three of them went home. 

With everything that happened today, Jiyong was sure that he would never be the same. He had seen countless dead bodies and there were two people in his bedroom that may or may not make it through the night. He saw the look in his mother's eyes as she worked and he wondered if he felt the same thing that she did when she looked over her two charges.

From that day onwards, Jiyong learned to fear death. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some might argue that Jiyong could have just ran after Dongwook and brought him to Youngbae sooner, but Jiyong is five and five year olds don't always make the most logical decisions, especially when they are cold and scared.


	3. Looking Up

Because of the stress, by the time Yun So finished treating the two boys, Jiyong had already fallen asleep on the couch. Too tired to lift the boy into her bed, she snuggled up to Jiyong on the couch and wrapped her arms around her little boy.

"I always knew life wasn't easy, but I never expected it to be this hard," she whispered to no one in particular. "Please, God, protect my boys."

She might have been asking for too much, but she is a mother; there was nothing she wouldn't do for her children. She fell asleep stroking Jiyong's fine hair, praying for her children and the young child asleep in Jiyong's bed.

In the middle of the night, Jiyong was awoken by a loud sound. His mother jolted awake besides him and made a run towards his bedroom. Along the way, she tried to turn on a light and said a bad word when it apparently wouldn't come on.

After giving his eyes a good rub, Jiyong carefully made his way towards the bedroom. He had little difficulty doing so because he often woke up in the middle of the night to use the toilet. When he got to the room, his mother was whispering in the dark. He heard the sound of a drawer being opened, and a few seconds later a bright beam of light was being shined in his eyes. Eomma had found a flashlight in one of the dressers.

She immediately shone the light to his bed. On the floor next to his bed, there was a heap of blankets on the ground. Scattered water bottles littered the floor, which was probably what made the noise, because some of the bottles were quite big. He heard whimpering noises from under the blanket and his mother quickly removed the sheet to discover the little boy underneath it.

"Don't be scared, you're safe now," his mother said soothingly as she approached the boy. He shied away from her touch and looked away. Jiyong was kneeling by the boy in an instant.

"Hey, it's okay. That's my Eomma. She's a nice lady. You don't have to be afraid of her," Jiyong said softly. Out of anyone to be afraid of, his mother was certainly the last person that anyone should fear.

The boy turned to look at him and Jiyong smiled at him. "Remember me? See? I told you everything was going to be okay." The boy looked from Jiyong to Yun So, and back again before apparently deeming that Yun So was safe to interact with.

"Let's get you back on the bed," Yun So said calmly. She lifted the boy and placed him on the bed. Jiyong noticed that he winced the whole time his mother was doing that.

"Are you okay?" he asked. The boy looked at him and then at the floor.

"My hands and toes...They hurt," he whispered. Jiyong looked at the boy's hands and feet and saw that they were bright red and big.

"Eomma, something's wrong! Look!" he cried while pointing at the boy's hands. His mother leaned in to inspect his swollen and red fingers. She smiled a bit.

"Your blood flow has been restored to your extremities, so your previously constricted veins are opening up again, causing pain and swelling," she explained. After seeing the confused look on both of the children, she tried to explain it in a simpler way. "When your body gets too cold, it stops blood from reaching your fingers and toes because they aren't important. After you get warmed up again, it hurts because your body isn't used to being warm yet."

Jiyong argued otherwise.

"I think fingers and toes are really important. There's a lot of things you can't do without a thumb." Yun So smiled at her son's reasoning. 

"True, but they're definitely not as important as your heart. To keep the really important parts of you warm, your body closes up the veins leading to the parts of your body that aren't important so that it can keep the important parts, your chest area, warm in order to survive." She looked at the boy. "Now that your body is warming up, blood is starting to go through those veins that were closed up. Now they're swollen and probably hurt, right?"

The boy nodded.

"Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do about that. When your body is all warmed up, the pain will start to go away." Yun So leaves out that part that he should be feeling happy that he didn't lose any fingers and toes to frost bite. She took a moment to check on Dongwook. In the mean time, Jiyong was looking at Youngbae's fingers intently. They looked like little red sausages that were about to burst. It looked like it hurts a lot.

"Your name is Jiyong," the boy said suddenly.

"Y-yeah," Jiyong replied quietly. He waited for the boy to tell him his name, but he just turned over in his bed and pulled the blankets around him.

After checking Dongwook's condition (his shaking had subsided), Yun So returned to Jiyong's side of the room.

"Come on, son. Let's sleep for a little longer." She took Jiyong to her room and again, he fell asleep to his mother gently stroking his head.

He didn't know that she monitored Dongwook's condition by the hour. She would slip out of bed, check Dongwook's temperature, and grow increasingly worried. It didn't surprise her at first that his body temp was initially low. However as time went on and his temperature reached the normal range (around 37°C), he still did not wake up. In-between Dongwook's checkups, she would also take a glance at the other child. He did not move much from his sleeping position, but her motherly instincts told her that he was only faking sleep. She couldn't force the child to rest, so she just let him be. Around six thirty in the morning, she pulled a chair over to Dongwook's side of the room and positioned it so that she would be able to view both children.

"You know, you might get sick if you stay awake too long," Yun So warned from across the room. She started intently at the bundle of blankets on Jiyong's bed. The boy didn't say anything at first, but eventually he spoke.

"I'm use to it," he murmured. It suddenly dawned on her that she doesn't even know the child's name.

"What's your name, kid?" she asked. Silence. "Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to call you 'kid' all day?"

"..."

"Okay, Kid."

* * *

Morning came and the smell of cooked noodles greeted Jiyong's nose. He stretched his little limbs and followed the scent to the kitchen, where his mother had a hot bowl of noodles on the table. The quiet child from before was there as well, his hands wrapped in bandages.

"Blisters," his mother explained after seeing the look on his face. He still didn't understand how someone could get blisters from the cold, but he would rather eat a bowl of noodles than listen to his mother's explanation.

"How did you sleep?" his mother asked as she handed him a pair of chopsticks. The metal chopsticks were cold to the touch. He shuddered a bit, but noticed something odd. He could see his breath in the air.

"Why is it so cold in here?" he asked after noticing how he could see the steam from his hot bowl of noodles quite clearly in the morning light and how every time someone spoke, it was accompanied by a cloud of wispy smoke.

"Power went off, remember?" Yun So said nonchalantly. She blew on her noodles a bit and then slurped it up.

Something was not right.

"Eomma, how did you make the noodles without power?" he asked.

"Gas in the stove still works. As long as I have something to light it-," she showed him a red lighter. "We can still cook food."

Jiyong listened to her explanation and looked at the carefree look on his mother's face and still could not put a finger on what was wrong.

"How's Dongwook-hyung?" he asked as he slowly started to eat his noodles and the child besides him started to do the same.

"Fine." his mother said curtly. _Why is she acting so strange?_ He had this feeling ever since last night, he was forgetting something very important. With everything that has happened, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what it was. As he lifted his bowl up to drink what remained of his noodles (the soup part), the quiet boy surprisingly said something.

"What's that?" he pointed to a framed certificate hanging on the kitchen wall. Jiyong's face lit up with pride.

"That's a sharpshooter award my Appa won when he was in the army! He was the-."

And finally, it hit him. He cut off mid sentence and looked at the certificate as it finally dawned upon him.

"Appa," he whispered, completely shocked that he could forget about something as important as his father. His own _father_. "Where's Appa?"

At first, Yun So was quiet. She knew that the subject would come up eventually, but the answer still would not come out of her mouth. The boys have been through so much. Too much. Especially Jiyong. She couldn't possibly imagine the stress it would cause if she told him the truth. But a lie would not suffice. She forced herself to look at the facts; Jiyong is a different child now. She couldn't hide the truth from him for much longer, especially since no other reasonable answer was in sight.

With a shaken hand, Yun So pointed at her reply.

Both boys followed the tips of her finger to the window it pointed at. Beyond the window was a whirlwind of white that raged onwards.

Neither of the kids needed a further explanation.

* * *

On the fifth day of their shut in, not much has changed. The snow piled on past their waist and emergency crews tried desperately to plow the roads for the fifth or sixth time. What little they could clear off the street was Immediately replaced with fresh snow or snow blown off from higher drifts. The few people that owned snow mobiles generously loaned them to the hospital so that brave doctors/emergency personnel could venture out to help those in need. 

The majority of the population was cooped up inside their homes without electricity.

The good news was that the storm was dying down. The bad news was that the town was completely unprepared for the freak storm. In an area where the annual snow fall rarely amounts to past a few centimeters, it was now quite literally drowning in snow. 

Resources have become scarce and Yun So knew that as soon as people were able to exit their homes (or be able to open their front doors at all for that matter) there would be a mad rush towards any place that was open and selling supplies, mainly food and water. 

A day ago, by listening to an old battery powered radio, Yun So had discovered that the government was planning on setting up relief stations around the area. Soldiers will be handing out food, water, and medical supplies, but she's willing to bet her savings on the fact that there would not be enough supplies for everyone. 

Five days has gone by and the amount of food in the house was dwindling already. 

"Eomma, kimbap and rice porridge _again_?" Jiyong whined. He had always been a picky eater. Certain foods should be eaten at certain times and occasions, depending on what he felt like. Eating ramyun everyday for breakfast was practically killing him.

"Jiyong-ah, you should know better, given the situation," she scolded. "We can't just go to the market and buy whatever we want now. We might not be able to do that for a long time."

Jiyong gave her a pout accompanied with a guilty look, but he complied and ate his kimbap with a sour face. 

Bae, on the other hand, was already digging into his meal. 

For three days, Yun So and Jiyong tried to coax the child's name out of him, but for whatever reason, his mouth remained tightly sealed. 

In the end, only Dongwook was able to get something out of him. 

_As the end of the third day approached, Dongwook woke from his fever induced slumber._

_Jiyong was proudly showing the silent boy his collection of stuffed dogs while Yun So took stock of the food supplies._

_"I call this one Goyangie, cuz he looks like a cat," Jiyong explained to the boy, who was smiling ever so slightly._

_"I like doggies too," the boy said quietly._

_"ME TOO!" exclaimed Jiyong, pointing out the obvious. "But eomma won't let us have one."_

_Both boys were too busy with the stuffed animals to notice that Dongwook was awake, until he said, "Ya..Having fun without me?"_

_Their heads snapped to the direction of the voice and in a matter of moments, Dongwook was ganged up on by two five-year-olds._

_Jiyong wrapped his arms around Dongwook's middle after jumping onto the bed and openly cried._

_"Hyung....Wookie hyung..." he cried, using the childish name he used to call his brother when he was younger._

_Dongwook was pale and his hair was askew, but he was smiling with half open eyes, still too weak to actually get out of bed._

_Dongwook looked at the child that was not his brother and shared a smile with him. The kid grasped onto his hand and shed a few silent tears, a huge contrast to jIyong's outright bawling that had Yun So running into the room. She too embraced her son and shed tears of happiness at her baby's awakening._

_"I never did get your name," Dongwook whispered and Yun So joined them by sitting on the edge of the bed, patting Jioyong's back to quiet his crying. She wanted to hear the child speak._

_"...Bae..." the child whispered while wiping his eyes. "Just call me Bae..."_

_He owed his savior at least part of his name._

* * *

It has been days since the four of them have been stranded indoors. As the storm died down and the whipping winds ceased, they allowed themselves to hope once more. 

They did not know that the worst had yet to come. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert dramatic music* 
> 
> 1) I'm not a doctor, but this is info from a health class awhile back + some google-ing
> 
> 2) 37 degrees celsius is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, around normal human body temp.
> 
> 3) You can still use gas stoves during a power outage (most of the time), all you need is something to ignite it. 
> 
> 4) Kimbap 김밥 is kind of like Makizushi 巻き寿司 or the small and round style of Japanese sushi that we often see, except that it doesn't necessarily contain fish (cooked or raw). Although it can be filled with meat/other seafood,but more often than not, it's filled with a variety of vegetables. 
> 
> 5) 고양이 Goyangie means cat in Korean. 
> 
> 6) The italicized part near the end is suppose to be a flashback, if that wasn't clear. 


	4. Love is Gone

The sound of her plastic cup scraping the bottom of the rice container was enough to send panic flooding through Yun So.

"Eomma, what are we eating today?" a tired voice asked from behind her. She spun around and saw a tired Jiyong, hair askew (like always in the mornings), rubbing his eyes, and still in his pajamas. In one hand, he held onto the big winter blanket that he had slept with the night previously. As a mother was trained to do, she masked her concern well.

"Jiyong-ah," she said gently, knowing how he could be in the morning. "You know better than to drag your bed sheets around." She scooped Jiyong up into her arms, but was surprised when the rest of the blanket did not follow suit. The blanket was rather twisted and jumbled on the other end, brought together almost like a little ball. Even if Jiyong had dragged the entire thing to the kitchen, the blankets wouldn't have gotten _that_ twisted. Before she could question it, the ball leapt towards her feet and she yelped in surprise, drawing Jiyong closer to her instinctively.

"Mmmfph!"

She heard the sound of a muffled human voice and she put Jiyong on the ground, who rubbed his eyes while letting a yawn escape his open mouth. Carefully, she began untangling the ball until she started to feel arms and legs until finally, when the bed-cloth was completely untangled, a five year old emerged. Bae was almost teary eyed.

"Jiyong got us all tangled up in the sheets while we were sleeping!" he cried. "And then he was gone and I was alone and I was stuck and couldn't find my way out, and...and..."

Jiyong took the opportunity between Bae's outbursts to take a second look at the other five year old in front of him. As if he was seeing him for the first time that morning, Jiyong spoke to him. 

"Oh, Bae. That's where you are."

She knew that choosing that particular moment to laugh was not the best idea, but between Jiyong's blank, tired expression and the scandalized look on Bae's face, the laugh would have come out eventually.

Bae couldn't believe it. He spent half the night wrestling the blanket away from Jiyong only to be cocooned and dragged out of the room in the morning and Jiyong wasn't awake for _any_ of it?

In the end, Yun So pulled both boys into a hug and ushered them back into the living room area. 

"Why don't you boys just nap for a bit longer while I check up on Dongwook, okay?" she suggested.

Jiyong was ready to comply, barely able to keep his eyes open, while Bae trailed along behind him, willing to catch up on much needed sleep. Between the two of them, the blanket was once again being dragged along the floor.

In the eight days following the storm, she somehow went from having two sons to three. Even if Bae wouldn't share his full name with them or talk much about his family (out of worry, she suspected), he fell into rhythm with her two boys and she was glad for it. They, hell, even _she_ needed something to keep her mind off of the situation they were in.

She didn't know if something happened in Bae's life to make him seem so mature at the young age of five or if he was simply born that way, but he was always calm, always alert. At times, she could see the small child within break through to the surface like it did this morning, but those moments were few and far between. Bae was a good person to have around Jiyong and Jiyong could bring out more of the child within him. _Was it fate that brought these two together?_  she wondered and not for the first time. She would have to wait for time to tell.

"Eomma," a voice called from the boys' room. She returned to her senses and went to check on Dongwook. Even though his fever broke, he was still very weak. He only gets out of bed to eat and occasionally tumble around with Jiyong and Bae, but after that, he was just too exhausted to do much of anything else. Most of his time was spent resting.

She smiled and kissed her son on the forehead, taking note of the paleness of his skin and the bags under his eyes. She decided that he looked a little better than yesterday.

"Yes, Dongwook?"

He looked into her eyes and said, "We ran out of rice today, didn't we?"

She tried not to show any fear as she told him, "Yes we did."

He nodded knowingly. "They say that a relief station will be set up near us today, but they won't be open until noon. After today, they'll only be coming once every week, but maybe more often as soon as the snow starts to melt."

Her smile stiffened. That was on the radio this morning. _Damn, he must have heard me when I had it on._ She did not want to worry the children or get them caught up in the circumstances.

"If we all go together, maybe they'll hand us more rations," Dongwook said thoughtfully.

Yun So grew teary eyed. She always knew that Dongwook was a thoughtful and mature boy at the age of ten, but to see him in such a state and still worrying about the family in whole, truly touched her. It also brought a sting to her heart, because _she_ was the adult in this situation, _she_ was suppose to be handling everything and taking care of everyone. Yun So had already contemplated the thought of going by herself, however the drawback would result in less rations. _The boys are still young and growing, proper nutrition is essential during this stage,_ she recited, remembering the lines from a textbook she read long before she became a mother. At the same time, she knew she couldn't bring Jiyong and Bae with her, they were too young. But on the other hand, they might earn her sympathy points because of their youth. Dongwook wouldn't be able to come either way, he was still too weak.

What should she do?

* * *

The cold air nipped at her nose as she made her way to the center of the town. The street was partially cleared of snow, only a thin strip of pavement barely wide enough for three people to walk side by side could be seen. The road was still very icy, so she firmly grasped the little hand in her mittens.

Jiyong looked at his mother with fearful eyes. He squeezed her one hand that was holding his and then squeezed his other hand, which held Bae's hand. It was an hour before the relief station was suppose to be open and the little stand was still being erected outside of the abandoned convenience store. Behind the store, workers were busy unloading food from a truck and lining them up on makeshift shelves, while others starting making signs that said "PLEASE FORM A QUEUE" "NO PUSHING" and "NO YELLING."

There were at least a hundred adults already in line. It seems like everyone thought that bringing their children would get them extra food. The area was crowded; parents held crying children, those who were single were impatiently standing in line, and the elderly were getting ready to berate all of the young people. Yun So could sense the growing chaos that was brewing in the air. She repositioned herself so that she was in the middle of the group between Bae and Jiyong.

Bae's hands went clammy immediately. Yun So tried to reassure both children with a tight squeeze of each hand. She wished someone would reassure her. She wished that her husband was there by her side. Again, she tried to push the thoughts and worries about her husband aside. She had children to think about and as a mother, she knew all about self sacrifice in favor of her children. But for just one moment, _one_ moment, she wished she could just stop and break down. She wished that someone was there to comfort her instead of the other way around. 

_Jin Suk, where are you? Are you even alive? If you're dead, please send me a sign! Anything....anything just so that I can know for sure!_

"EOMMAAAAAA!!" The desperate cry of Jiyong's voice brought her back to reality and it was as if she had stepped into a different world.

The crowd around her had attacked the workers at the relief station. People were trampling others in a desperate attempt to secure their own food. The cry of children looking for their parents and the sound of broken glass filled the air as order broke down.

Next to her, a man was fighting with a male worker.

"Where's the rest? You must have more!" the man yelled, grabbing the worker by his shirt.

"That's a-all we have- "the worker stuttered.

"It isn't enough! You must be hiding it!"

"Please! If everyone would just form a line and wait. There was enough for everyone!"

Not satisfied with that answer, the man punched the worker and Yun So looked away. Her senses returned to her and her mind refocused. They had to leave. _Now_.

"C'mon Jiyong." she said hurriedly as she stood up (when had she fallen down?) and pulled Jiyong to his feet.

"Eomma! But Bae!" Jiyong cried tearfully and all of a sudden, she was painfully aware of her other empty hand.

They had to go. Now. If they didn't, the violence would only escalate and Jiyong would get hurt. She could get hurt. There was only so much that she could do, as a mother. Wasn't this the type of situation she predicted long ago? That if worst come to worst, she would rather save her sons instead of someone else's child?

So why was she hesitating?

She looked at Jiyong's teary face full of fear for his friend and she thought about the three children happily playing in the living room.

She couldn't leave him.

Somehow, her body went into auto pilot and if she was honest with herself, she didn't remember most of what she did. What she did remember was short and very brief.

She pulled Jiyong away from the crowd, went in search of Bae, and found him inside the building between two metal shelves that looked unstable. She pulled him out before the shelves toppled on him and carried him away.

Now, they were far away from the chaos and almost home.

Jiyong was in the midst of enthusiastically telling Bae his version of the events. 

"-and Eomma ran straight into a guy that was waaay bigger than her and pushed him out of the way! And then she saw you and scooped you up before those things could fall on you. Aren't you glad that my Eomma is so awesome, Youngbae?" Jiyong finished with a smile. 

"Youngbae?" Yun So repeated. 

"My full name," Bae replied shyly. "Dong Youngbae."

"Weren't you listening at all, Eomma?!" Jiyong asked with a speck of disappointment. "Did you even notice  _this?_ "

He lifted up a bag he was holding. It was a small bag of rice. 

"Youngbae hid this in his jacket," Jiyong explained in a voice filled with pride. 

She allowed herself to smile. 

"No wonder he felt so heavy!" she said with a laugh. "Come on, Jiyong, Youngbae. Let's go home."

They walked down the street with Jiyong holding the bag of rice out, displaying it like it was a golden trophy that they had just won. 

* * *

The next morning, Yun So woke up to sunlight, actual _sunlight_.

"Eomma! Get up!"

Dongwook's face greeted her. 

"What is it?" she asked sleepily. 

"The power is back on!"

Sure enough, she could hear the chatter of the television coming from the living room. Hope flooded through her, the most hope she felt ever since the storm began. 

She followed Dongwook to the living room where Youngbae and Jiyong were staring at the TV. The district politician was on the local news channel and he looked like he was in the midst of giving a speech. 

The man that was wearing a winter jacket over a crisp black suit looked into the camera. He was standing on top of a stage behind a podium, somewhere outside. The sun shone on his grim expression and a snow bank served as the backdrop for his speech.

"I would like to dedicate this day to all of those that lost their lives and loved ones in the sudden snow storm that occurred this past Thursday, and to apologize for the unexpected aftermath of such an event, where the government was caught totally by surprise and failed to meet the proper needs of its citizens..."

That was the day that a police officer came to their house to inform them that the body of Kim Jin Suk was found along the side streets leading to the school. He had taken cover under a large tree whose branches broke due to the heavy snow. A part of the branch pierced his shoulder upon impact.

He slowly bled to death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter features a time skip. About eight years have passed.
> 
> Jiyong and Youngbae will be 13 and Dongwook will be 18. 


	5. Change

"Jiyong."

A voice woke him up from his restless slumber. The thirteen year old untangled himself from his bed sheets (why does that always happen?) and rubbed his tired eyes. Jiyong glanced at the clock. Everything in his body was telling him that it was an ungodly time to wake up, but the uneasiness in the speaker's voice made him double check.

2:29 A.M. He scowled.

"Jiyong, can you open the window?" the faint voice asked.

Rolling over on his bed, Jiyong lazily unlatched his window. From there, it would be easy to open from the outside. Muttering swears under his breath, he moved away from the window and scooted to the other side of his bed. With a stealthiness that scared him sometimes, he soon felt another warm body underneath the covers with him.

"Just be glad my room is easy to get into, you bastard," Jiyong said with his eyes closed.

"Thanks."

Turning on to his side, he could feel tiredness tugging on the edge of his mind.

"Goodnight Youngbae. And don't...thank me...bastard," Jiyong murmured as his mind drifted off into slumber.

As always when Youngbae was around, Jiyong could rest peacefully.

* * *

Time can really change a person. For children, it meant growing up, and for some, it meant growing up a lot faster than everyone else.

Before dawn could break out over the horizon, Youngbae awoke to the sound of faint snoring and running water. Too tired to move, but knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, he struggled against Jiyong's limbs that were draped over him at some point while they were sleeping. He managed to get himself into a rather comfy laying position while facing the window and he waited for the sun to rise.

Youngbae was always an early riser and a fairly light sleeper, so whenever he slept over at Jiyong's place, he would watch the sun rise (after doing a few body contortions to free himself from the twisted mess that was a mix of his and Jiyong's limbs in the morning). He always enjoyed how the reds and yellows bleed into the sky as the sun rose over the horizon. The sky was turning a beautiful pink color when a head poked its way into the room.

"Oh, morning,Youngbae," Dongwook greeted.

Like he did most mornings, he pried himself from Jiyong's grasp with difficulty and without much bother to Jiyong himself, who continued to snore away.

 _For a short and thin kid, he has quite the grip,_ Youngbae thought to himself as he readjusted the blankets over his friend.

"Morning, hyung," he greeted as he walked over to the door and stepped out into the hallway where Dongwook was standing. Jiyong's older brother was hastily buttoning a shirt with one hand while simultaneously brushing his teeth with the other. Quite a feat, really. A red tie was hanging limply from his neck, and from the looks of it, he had just showered. Youngbae followed Dongwook to the bathroom, where Dongwook spit and rinsed while Youngbae quickly splashed his face with cold water. After toweling off, he spent a few moments watching his hyung struggle to put on his tie, before kindly intervening.

"After all these years, and especially since you're a third year high school student, shouldn't you already know how to tie your own tie?" Youngbae asked with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

Dongwook smiled at the dongsaeng in front of him and shrugged. "I was always deducted attendance points for wearing my uniform wrong."

"I always wondered how you could possibly have such good grades when your attendance record makes it seem like you're gone most of the time!" Youngbae laughed.

"Well, with my work schedule, there are days that I have to leave early or arrive late. All the good grades despite the absences are probably because I'm a genius," Dongwook bragged and he tapped his head for emphasis. "Anyways, how did you get so good at doing this?"

This time it was Youngbae who shrugged. "Jiyong has trouble with his tie, too. No wonder you're siblings."

He smiled fondly, remembering the countless mornings of doing the exact same thing he was doing now with Dongwook except with Jiyong. Youngbae finished tying Dongwook's tie and out of the corner of his eyes, he managed to catch a glimpse at the hyung's faltering smile.

He raised and eyebrow and stared at him, using his eyes to urge Dongwook to explain himself. Dongwook reluctantly did so.

"You know that Jiyong is going through a 'life sucks' kind of phase, right?" Dongwook whispered.

Youngbae nodded. Over the past few years, Jiyong's outlook on life has darkened considerably. His attitude followed suit. Sometimes he would act out at school and pick fights, though things never escalated past an exchange of heated words. Teachers often punished him by having him clean up the classroom after school by himself, but Youngbae always found a way to help out, which usually caused him to join in on the punishment. Eventually, the staff caught on that it would be impossible to punish one and not the other, so they would be punished simultaneously to save future trouble.

This year has been one without incident, mainly because Jiyong didn't want to be a bother to Dongwook. Youngbae's constant scolding also helped; one can only bear _that_ for so many years.

"Jiyong is better now," Youngbae remarked.

Dongwook shook his head. "When his attitude improves outside of the home, his attitude towards Eomma declines by just as much. Especially now that I'm not home all the time due to work. He can't even stand being on the same floor as she is anymore." He sighed. "Just make sure he won't get in trouble, okay?"

"Of course," Youngbae answered. Dongwook affectionately patted Youngbae's head and pointed towards the door.

"Have to leave for work now. See you later!"

Youngbae was left standing in the silence of the home, accompanied only by the snores of a sleeping Jiyong. He decided that he would get a head start on breakfast, rather than entertain thoughts about waking Jiyong up. A tired Jiyong is a cranky Jiyong and a cranky Jiyong wasn't good for anyone.

Gaeran Toast was something he made whenever he came. Toasted bread, fried eggs, a bit of cabbage, and a sprinkle of brown sugar. Well, he knows Jiyong doesn't like cabbage or too much brown sugar in his, so he set a plain one aside for Jiyong to mess with later. He also made one for Jiyong's mother, in the event that she turned up for breakfast. Just as he was putting the finished products on the table, Jiyong drowsily made his way to the kitchen.

"Oh, Bae. That's where you are," he said sleepily.

"Wow," Youngbae answered sarcastically. "Did you figure that out when you smelled toast and eggs coming from the kitchen?"

"Shut up."

"Sit down and eat. By the way, I left my backpack at home. I think I can manage most of the day without it. Can I copy your English homework though?" Youngbae was certain that there was going to be a test today right after they handed in their homework.

Jiyong nodded, stuffed the toasted egg sandwich into his mouth (after a slight sprinkle of brown sugar) and went digging into his backpack.

"Dud Dopwuk ung eve et?"

"Yeah. He left awhile ago," Youngbae answered, automatically deciphering Jiyong's question. "And it's not 'stupid', 'stupider', and 'stupidest', it's stupid, more stupid, and most stupid." He said as he started copying the work. After a big gulp, Jiyong looked at him skeptically.

"Whaat? Are you sure? I hear people say it all the time, in music and in the movies. 'That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard' and stuff like that." Youngbae continued writing down answers as he explained.

"It's a trick question. Our teacher wants to test you. He wants the proper usage, not the informal one."

"Whatever," Jiyong replied. English just doesn't make any sense.

At that exact moment, Yun So decided to make an entrance. Jiyong froze as his mother moved into the kitchen at a turtle's pace.

"Eommo-nim, good morning," Youngbae greeted cheerfully as Jiyong unfroze and quickly started throwing things into his backpack. Wordlessly, and without sparing a single glance at his mother, he exited the room with his things in tow. Youngbae tried not to show his discontent with Jiyong's action as he quickly gathered his things as well.

"Eommo-nim, I made you breakfast," Youngbae said with a smile.

Yun So did not say anything, nor did she do any action that told him she had heard anything he had just said. She smiled mindlessly, eyes looking straight ahead but not really looking at anything at all. "Eommo-nim, please don't take offense over Jiyong's actions. I need to be leaving now. Goodbye." With a proper bow, Youngbae took his breakfast to go and locked the front door behind him.

In the empty house, Yun So continued to stand where she was with a smile on her face. After ten minutes had past, she stiffly made her way to the breakfast Youngbae had left for her and brought it with her to the kitchen table.

"What a nice boy," she said to no one in particular. "I'm glad he's Jiyong's friend." She grasped the now cold sandwich in her hands and split it in two. As she did so, a few crumbs fell into her lap, which she quickly brushed away.

" _Jagiya_ , would you like some?"

She held out the half-sandwich in the air, an offering to her husband, and when nobody took it, she put it aside on her plate.

"It's okay. I'll save it to give to you later."

* * *

Youngbae easily caught up with Jiyong who was walking with his eyes locked to the ground. He was clenching his teeth and Youngbae knew he was in a bad mood. However, he couldn't just let his friend ignore the growing problem. 

The conversation with Dongwook hyung was replaying in his head, and Youngbae was starting to realize how bad the situation has gotten. 

Jiyong cleared out of the room faster than if the building was on fire. _When did it get so bad?_ Youngbae wondered.

He needed to say something.

"Jiyong."

"Stop," Jiyong interrupted. He also ceased walking, nearly causing Youngbae to walk right into him. 

"Ji, I was just-."

Again, Jiyong interrupted him with a vigorous shake of his head. 

"Don't. Don't say anything." Jiyong looked fiercely into Youngbae's eyes as he continued. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to hear about it, I just want to go to school and pretend nothing ever happened. Got it?"

"...Fine..." Youngbae answered, shellshocked at Jiyong's attitude. 

Signaling the end of the conversation, Jiyong spun on his heels and restarted their journey towards school, angry footsteps making loud clacks along the pavement. 

For once, Youngbae had nothing to say to his friend. 

* * *

For the rest of the day, Jiyong avoided Youngbae. He didn't want to talk about  _That Woman_. Not now, not ever. 

By the time Dongwook returned home that day, it was already nearing seven o'clock.

"Jiyong-ah, come and eat dinner," Dongwook called, loosening the tie of his work uniform and dropping a boxed dinner on the table. 

"Yes, hyung," Jiyong answered from another room. The two brothers met in the living room where Dongwook spent a few minutes putting the shoes into an orderly fashion next to the door. 

"Doing homework with Youngbae?" the hyung asked his dongsaeng. 

"No. Since Youngbae snuck out of his house so early this morning, he thought he would make it up by going home early," Jiyong lied. 

"Were his parents fighting again?"

Jiyong lifted the lid of the takeout box to find spicy grilled chicken and rice with a side of kimchi. He answered his hyung with the truth his time. 

"Yeah. He got here around two o'clock this morning."

It was no secret that Youngbae's parents often fought. They always found something to fight over, whether it be about Youngbae or about the food his mother cooked for dinner that night. When the shouting match turned into a screaming match, Youngbae sneaks away to Jiyong's house, often bunking with Jiyong because his room was the only one he could get into (everyone else had a room on the top floor).

Jiyong had long since made his father's old office into his new room. He couldn't stand sleeping in his old room with Dongwook, knowing that _That Woman_ was sleeping in a room down the hall. 

"Aren't you eating, hyung?" Jiyong asked as he brought out two pairs of chopsticks.

Dongwook waved him off. "Start without me. I have to change quick."

It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

Dongwook entered his room and silently locked the door behind him. After taking two minutes to change into a T-shirt and loose pants, he dug a box out from undernath his bed. Inside were piles of papers, mostly that month's bills, which weren't due until the end of next week. There was also another piece of paper, a bank statement tied to his parent's bank account. 

He ran the numbers through his head once, twice, and then a third time. Dongwook was a fairly good math student and no matter how many times he added up the numbers in his head, the answers were always the same; he wouldn't be able to support his family once the month ended. 

_Thanks, Dad. Your savings lasted us eight years after your death. Don't worry, I'll find another way to make ends meet._

The sound of the door jiggling startled Dongwook. 

"Hyung? Why is your door locked?" Jiyong's bewildered, muffled voice asked him from the opposite side of the door. 

Dongwook rushed to stuff all of the papers back into the box, but he hesitated.  _What's the use anyways?_ he thought.  _Jiyong will find out sooner or later. Why am I delaying the inevitable?_

Jiyong was more than confused upon seeing his hyung opening the door and then ushering him into the room. 

"Jiyong," Dongwook began. "I have something to tell you."

Jiyong followed Dongwook into the room and stared at him as his hyung explained to him their current financial situation. His heart wrenched as he saw his younger brother's face grew worried and even more worried as he finished his explanation. By the end of it, Jiyong's face was stricken with fear. 

"What are we going to do, hyung?" he asked quietly. 

Dongwook smiled at him. 

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I promise."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaeran Toast (계란 토스트): Popular breakfast food/street vendor food in Korea, pretty much like an egg sandwich with a Korean twist. 
> 
> Jagiya/Jagi (자기야/자기): An affectionate term for husband/wife, similar to Yeobo (여보). *aka Honey, darling*


	6. 바보 Babo

When Youngbae came to Jiyong's house the next day, he was worried that his friend would send him away. They usually walked to school together, exchanging homework answers along the way, and came home together. Thinking that Jiyong was still angry about the incident with his mother, Youngbae knew there was a large chance that Jiyong would either ignore him or spend the rest of the day avoiding him. Either way, he still wanted to apologize to his friend, though he won't admit fault because he did nothing wrong.

He approached the door aprehensively.

"Just...apologize," he whispered to himself.

Never had he been in such a situation with Jiyong. Was he right to have come? _Maybe he needs some time_ , he thought. Youngbae felt as if he needed a few more minutes to give himself a peptalk, but to his surprise the door opened and Jiyong was standing right in front of him. He neither dismissed, nor ignored Youngbae's presence.

When the door was open, Jiyong saw who it was and went to gather his things. No angry or dirty looks were thrown at Youngbae at all. In fact, Jiyong acted as if nothing wrong happened the day before.

"Oh, Bae. Hold on a sec, I'll be out in a bit," Jiyong said. Surprised, Youngbae checked his watch again. It was seven-thirty.

"What? No breakfast?"

He always made breakfast for them, mainly because Jiyong couldn't get up early enough and Dongwook hyung was always too busy. Unless taunted by the allure of a good breakfast, most mornings Jiyong wouldn't be able to wake up.

"Nah, want to get to class a little early today."

After his short explanation and quick venture into the house to find his backpack, Jiyong was already walking away, leaving a confused Youngbae behind.

* * *

The whole day, Youngbae thought that Jiyong was acting strange. He was just so...out of it.

Jiyong wouldn't normally pay attention in class, but he would at least try to act attentive. The math teacher had to call Jiyong's name five times for him to solve a question on the board, and even then Youngbae had to discreetly kick him to pull him out of his trance.

Youngbae didn't know what to make of this.

When lunch time rolled around, Youngbae gathered his things and walked over to Jiyong, who barely registered his presence. "Are you okay?" Youngbae asked tenatively.

"Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?" Jiyong answered, blindly walking down the hallway, his eyes empty as if lost in thought. Youngbae tugged on his arm to help him avoid a nasty collision with the bathroom door.

"If it's about your mo-...er...you know. I'm sorry, but I didn't do anything wrong."

Jiyong looked at him for a moment as if considering what he just said, but then he saw the approaching lunchroom, huffed, and walked straight past Youngbae and the lunchroom.

For the second time that day, Youngbae was left feeling confused, though this time, more so than ever.

* * *

"How was school?" Dongwook asked later that evening.

"Fine," Jiyong answered through a mouth full of rice.

"Youngbae staying home again?"

"Yep."

After avoiding him for another afternoon, Jiyong decided to join Youngbae for lunch the following day. In all honesty, he missed seeing his friend and hanging out with him after school. It has been two days and he didn't want to give Youngbae the impression that he was mad at him; he just didn't want to be around food.

Ever since Dongwook had told him about their money troubles, Jiyong had been skipping breakfast and lunch, only eating one meal a day, dinner which he had with Dongwook nowadays. He tried to convince his hyung to allow him to get a part time job, but Dongwook was having non of it.

"Just focus on school and don't worry about adult matters, okay?" he had said the night Jiyong found out about the money shortages.

Like hell he didn't worry.

Now, he summoned the greatest willpower he had within himself as he entered the cafeteria. His senses were immediately assaulted by the smell of hot food and his mouth began to water. _I can handle it_ , he thought to himself when his stomach began to twist and turn, even growling now and then.

Throughout the day, he tried to silence his growls and the gnawing hunger inside of him by frequenting the drinking fountain. Every few hours, he would ask to go to the toilet and the teacher would excuse him. Yesterday, he told his teachers that he was getting over a bad case of food poisoning.

"I've already visited the doctor, I take medicine for it at home," he would explain whenever someone sugguested that he should see the school nurse.

After faking using the bathroom, he'd wash his hands, leave, and stop by the drinking fountain, drinking as much water as he needed to combat his hunger. It was an awefully empty feeling, even though his stomach was full. Most of the time, he managed to fool his brain into thinking that water could satisfy his hunger.

Now, surrounded by the temptation of food, he was finding it hard to keep telling himself that when students would walk by with trays filled to the brim with things he would have liked to eat. Hell, even the salad looked appetizing. Sitting in a lonely corner of the lunchroom by himself as he waited for Youngbae, Jiyong rested his head down on the table. _I can handle it. I don't need food. I can wait. I can handle it._ He chanted to himself over and over as he swallowed mouthfulls of saliva.

In the back of his mind, an image began to form. He thought of cheese and lettuce stuck between two buns and a thick, delicious korean beef patty-

Clang.

He looked up and saw Youngbae putting down a tray with a hamburger on it.

"Sorry, Jiyong, the line was kind of long-. Ji? Where are you going?!"

He ran out of there, past the delicious sights and smells, past the cafeteria doors, and far away from Youngbae. Jiyong ran until he was outside of the school building, and he only stopped when his legs wouldn't carry him any further.

He fell to his knees under the shade of a tree, tired and out of breath. Sweat glistened on his brow as he switched into a sitting position against the trunk.

_God, it's only food, Jiyong! It's only been two days! How can you be so weak already?_

Why was it so hard?

He felt so disappointed in himself and began to feel his eyes water, but he stopped himself before the tears could actually fall. He just couldn't sit there in the lunchroom any longer.

Now, Youngbae is probably looking for him and he's going to want to ask all sorts of questions. Jiyong will eventually end up telling him the whole situation, Youngbae would offer to share his food, and, and... For some reason, it would just hurt his pride too much to accept.

 _What was wrong with me?_ he wondered. It wasn't like he had never shared a lunch with Youngbae before. He could recall at least a half dozen times this year alone where he forgot his money and ended up splitting Youngbae's tray of food. Of course, the next day he would split his lunch with Bae to return the favor. Eating someone else's food and then paying them back for it was entirely different from asking for a hand out.

Jiyong was in no way a freeloader, and had no intention of becoming one. He couldn't offer Youngbae the promise of buying him lunch the next day, or any other day for that matter. He didn't even know if Dongwook hyung was going to come home with dinner that night, though he had yet to disappoint.

Does this mean Youngbae can't stay for dinner any more, or even come to his home afterschool? Surely he would notice that he didn't pig out like he usually did upon returning home. If he keeps it up and starts losing weight, would Youngbae notice? Will other people notice?

There was so much that he didn't think about when he decided to do this. The consequences led to a chain of problems that he had no idea how to fix, and Jiyong was becoming so frustrated with himself.

 _God, I'm am such an idiot_ , he thought.

"No, you're not." He didn't want to look up, he wouldn't dare. What, now he can't even keep his thoughts to himself?

Soon, a familiar weight settled down next to him and he waited for the questions. But there weren't any. Sitting in silence next to the familiar weight reminded him of falling asleep with that familiarty next to him, and listening to quiet breathing that always lulled him to sleep.

He always found comfort in that familiarity.

"What are you doing here?" he asked sullenly, not looking forward to a reply. "Probably want some answers, right?"

Youngbae smiled and shook his head. "I just want to hang out with my best friend."

Now, Jiyong was annoyed.

"Don't you have someplace to be?" he asked, voice full of irritation.

"If you're not eating, I'm not eating."

Damn, Youngbae could see right through him.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Jiyong tried to calm his emotions. He was feeling embarressed, grateful, annoyed, and relieved all at the same time. His under nourished body was already fighting with the physical strains of his new diet, he didn't need the extra mental and emotional stress as well. Drawing his knees close to his chest, Jiyong waited, sensing that Youngbae had a lot to say.

"I know you've been hiding something from me," Youngbae began. "You try to act natural but the more you try, the more obvious it is for me to see that something was wrong."

"I thought you were mad at me for trying to talk about your mom."

Jiyong winced. 

After taking a deep breath, Youngbae continued. 

"I'm sorry."

Out of everything he thought Youngbae would say, 'I'm sorry' wasn't one of them. 

"I'm sorry that I tried to push the issue with your mother when it was none of my business. It really wasn't any of my business. Maybe this is just another situation where I shouldn't stick my nose in, which is why you won't tell me about it. I just thought," at this point, Bae faltered a bit. "I just thought that maybe you saw me the way I see you, as one of the only people I trust the most."

Jiyong could see it all in Youngbae's eyes; Youngbae questioning himself, doubting himself for every action, every word, and the overwhelming sadness at the thought that maybe their friendship wasn't as strong as he thought. 

That was the breaking point for Jiyong. The dam of emotion he has been holding back broke and he told Youngbae everything. Even when the warning bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and the start of a five minute passing period, he talked over the sound because he just had to let it all out, let Youngbae know that it wasn't his fault, it was his own choice not to tell anyone. 

He didn't want him to doubt their friendship.

Finally, as he wrapped up his explanation/mini breakdown session, Jiyong looked at Youngbae. 

"I'm sorry," Jiyong said hoarsely. God, he was getting so emotional.  _I guess not eating can do that to you_ , he thought. 

Youngbae slung an arm over Jiyong's shoulder and pulled him close. 

"Ji, you don't have to go through this alone," Youngbae said. "That's what friends are for; to share the burdens and responsibilities of life."

"Don't go all adult-like and sentimental on me now, you bastard," sniffled Jiyong. "You babo."

"Yeah, but I'm  _your_ babo," Youngbae smiled. "We can be babos together."

_God, we're both so stupid._

_Stupid Youngbae and his stupid brains._

_Stupid Youngbae and his stupid kindness._

_Stupid Youngbae and his stupid smiley eyes._

In the end, Jiyong couldn't help but let a few tears slip out. 

"I'm here for you," Youngbae reassured. Looking at his best friend, he said, "Through thick and thin, we're homies, right?"

Somehow, Youngbae always seems to know what to say when he needed it the most. 

"No more lies," Jiyong croaked, offering a promise as a show of gratitude. "No more secrets."

"No more lies, no more secrets," Youngbae echoed. 

Under a tree heavy with leaves ready to change color for the fast approaching fall season, two friends made a promise for the upcoming future. 

They were still young enough to believe that promises could never be broken. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 바보= babo or more commonly seen as *pabo, meaning "stupid, foolish" etc. 
> 
> Oh, an a photo disclaimer that any photos, unless otherwise stated, aren't by me and belong to their respective owners, etc. etc.....


	7. Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is another two year time skip, and after this will be one final time skip to proceed to the main bulk of the story. Surprisingly, this is just the intro of the story. I didn't expect it to be quite this long (or maybe I just divided the beginning into too many small parts...). A lot of stuff must happen before GDYB7 meet the rest of the Bigbang members, and fair warning to everyone, it's going to be a long and angsty road. Of course, there will be a mix of happiness and cuteness, and every once in awhile comedy, but for some reason my mind can't stray too far from sad plot lines (I'm telling you, it's because of the asian dramas. Somehow, I always end up watching all of the sad dramas/movies. It's so moving that I end up writing the emotion into my fanfics, lol). 
> 
> Later on, there will be a lot of violence, betrayal, mature themes, language, etc. (which is why I put this under M rating). More GDYB, Todae, and OT5 with chapters to come and remember that no matter what, this story will have a happy ending (or an ending that I consider to be a happy ending...)

 

It didn't take long for Dongwook hyung to find out about Jiyong and Youngbae's mini hunger strike. He punished the two by giving them a quick lecture and then forced them to eat an entire plate of Chinese duck that same day. He also forced Youngbae to stay over night to "reconcile your friendship" after finding out that Jiyong had avoided Youngbae for all those days he didn't show up for dinner. Needless to say, both boys felt extremely thankful to their wonderful hyung.

In a matter of weeks, the Kim family's financial problems were resolved. A mere two weeks after his hyung made that announcement, Dongwook dropped out of school and began working various jobs. Money was no longer a problem in the Kim household, and Jiyong was no longer worried about adhering to a strict diet. Dongwook ensured that his dongsaeng would have a comfortable life.

Jiyong couldn't keep track of all of the jobs Dongwook had. Bakery assistant, fish market vendor, farm helper. He lost jobs and changed jobs, all according to season and at times his own will, and through it all, his non-chalant attitude about it all boosted Jiyong's admiration for his brother.

"I have the best brother in the world," Jiyong said on more than one occasion, to which Dongwook would reply, "I know."

Jiyong had also become more focused on his schooling. With his hyung working so hard, the least he could do was follow through on the one thing his hyung wanted him to do.

"Finish school," Dongwook said. "It's a chance I will never get to have, but for you, I want you to have this opportunity."

He wasn't ranked in the top ten like Youngbae was, but he was still in the upper half of their grade. Overall, he was neither happy nor sad; he was just getting by.

Life was moving on. All any of them could do was allow it to keep pushing them forward.

* * *

_2 Years Later_

It was his final year of middle school and high school was fast approaching. At fifteen years of age, Jiyong felt as if he was almost a man, even though Dongwook hyung said he still had a lot to learn. Nonetheless, he felt proud. Over the course of two years, he had reinvented himself. Youngbae and Dongwook hyung had been right. He couldn't be angry at the world forever. With time, he was even able to look at _her_ and coax the word 'Eomma' out of his mouth. The resentment was still there, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be, and Youngbae commended his efforts. It had also made Dongwook hyung extremely happy, and who was he to deny his hyung even the tiniest bit of happiness, especially after everything he has done for their family?

Jiyong didn't know his exactly ranking since it was so early in the school year, but he knew for a fact that he had surpassed whatever rank Youngbae held because Bae had a cringeworthy score of thirty on their last math test. He would have celebrated that achievement and rubbed it in Youngbae's face if he hadn't become so unapproachable as of late.

Now that he's focusing more on school and became more social, Jiyong started paying more attention to what was going on around him, and he has come to realize he had fallen pretty low on the social ladder. After basically hiding in a turtle's shell for ten years, time spent brooding over his father's death and being angry at his mother, re-emerging as a sudden social butterfly of sorts did little to earn him friends. The fact of the matter was simple: popularity in a school setting was absolute, and by this time, Jiyong couldn't change his reputation as the resident jerk of his grade. Truthfully, up until now he wasn't exactly known as the nice kid. Two years ago, he was the short tempered kid that snapped at everyone and didn't give a shit about anything. It was understandable that he wasn't exactly well liked.

Jiyong quickly discovered that he had more enemies than he would have cared for.

* * *

It was nearing the end of school and Jiyong was hurrying to finish his test. Most of his classmates were done, but he tried to ignore the anxiety of being the last one. As time trickled by and only five minutes remained, Jiyong went into overdrive, his pencil flying across the paper in front of him until every blank was filled. He had just finished and jumped out of his desk to hand the paper to his teacher when the bell signaling the end of school rang.

"Class dismissed," the teacher called out over the sounds of students gathering their things.

Jiyong stood in front of his teacher patiently as the other students exited the class. Youngbae stopped by and patted him on the shoulder.

"I'll be leaving first, I have to get home early," he said and Jiyong nodded to him. Youngbae had been telling him the same thing for two weeks now.

"Can we hang out tomorrow?" he asked, his voice hopeful as it was everyday.

As was routine, Youngbae gave him a small smile and answered with a tenaive sounding, "Maybe."

As Bae left, Jiyong knew that he wouldn't be spending tomorrow afternoon with his friend at all.

Like how he has changed, Youngbae has changed as well. For some reason, his brain couldn't comprehend the simple fact that Youngbae has other family and friends, a group of people that didn't include Dongwook hyung or himself. Ten years of being glued to eachother's side made it difficult for Jiyong to accept Youngbae's sudden absence from his life. It gave him time to think, really think about his relationship with his best friend.

 _Who is Kim Jiyong without Dong Youngbae? What would life be like if we hadn't met?_ It was a question that he head been asking himself for awhile now. Truthfully, he didn't know the answer, and he didn't  _want_ to know. A life without Youngbae was impossible to imagine. But the question still remains:

_Who is Kim Jiyong?_

_Who am I?_

It wasn't until the rest of the students were gone that the teacher acknowledged him.

"Jiyong-ah, what is it?" his teacher asked as he gathered all of the tests into one pile.

"Seonsaeng-nim*," Jiyong started hesitantly. "I was just wondering if..." When he eyed his test that was on the top of the pile, his teacher smiled.

"Just this once," his teacher replied and Jiyong anxiously waited with a grin on his face. After a few minutes has passed, the teacher handed him his test and Jiyong jumped up in excitement.

"A ninety-five! I got a ninety-five!" he cried and the teacher clapped his congratulations.

"I've got to say, you've become a good student," his teacher admitted. "Much different from the Kim Jiyong I knew two years ago."

"Thank you, Seonsaeng-nim. I guess I must have grown up a little," Jiyong replied sheepishly.

The teacher smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes betrayed concern, and Jiyong picked up on the feeling immediately.The fourty-eight year old teacher took a seat behind his desk, the chair squeaking as he did so. He laced his fingers together, rested his chin atop of them, and looked quietly at his student.

The student looked back, fighting back a feeling of unease.

"Jiyongie is a good friend to Youngbae, isn't that so?" the teacher asked quietly, eyes probing him through a pair of glasses. Jiyong's smile faltered a bit.

"I would like to think so," Jiyong answered, hating the uncertainty in his voice.

"Has Youngbae been acting strange lately?"

The student hesitated. "Well, he's been out of sorts I guess. These past few weeks, he hasn't been talking to me much, and he goes home right after school instead of coming home with me, or even going to hagwon."

The teacher nodded. "Have you heard any...rumors about your friend lately?"

_Where was he going with this?_

"No, I haven't. What are you saying?" Jiyong asked cautiously.

The teacher's expression didn't change as he went on to say, "They're saying that Youngbae has been getting into fights. Do you know anything about this?" Jiyong vigorously shook his head, fighting the questions that have sprung forth after his teacher's statement. The teacher tsked and then rubbed his temples.

He was a teacher that many liked for his easy going attitude and genuine concern for his students. For him to be telling Jiyong this, the situation must have been very bad.

"You know we have a zero tolerance policy towards violence of any kind amongst students. If he gets caught, he will be suspended for sure. With exams coming up, it wouldn't be a good idea for him to miss any school. Plus, I've noticed that his grades have been declining." The teacher spared a curious look at Jiyong, as if judging whether or not he was shocked by any of the news. After deciding that Jiyong's expression was genuine, and that he really knew nothing about any of this, he continued. "I know that Youngbae is a good kid, and I know you two are close friends. If I were you, I would advise him to get his act together. Once high school comes along, grades will be that much more important. If he cares about his future at all, he should think before looking for trouble."

Again, all Jiyong could do was nod. He couldn't find the words to speak.

His teacher sighed. "This isn't a manhwa or a drama, you know. He can't continue thinking that his actions will go unnoticed, and you can't keep pretending that nothing is wrong. Now go. Hopefully, you can get through to him." With the teacher's dismissal, Jiyong left the classroom with a heavy mind and heart.

His body moved forward past the school gates but his mind lingered in the classroom with his teacher, trying to make sense out of everything the teacher just told him.

 _Was what his teacher saying true? Is this why Youngbae had been avoiding him?_ And the biggest question of all:  _why?_ Why would Youngbae do this? And how could  _he,_ as Youngbae's best friend, not know anything about this? 

He traversed the streets, barely paying attention, and having to apologize twice for bumping in to someone. When he turned a corner and smashed his face into someone's backpack, he quickly came to his senses and bowed. "I'm sorry," he apologized after rubbing his cheek a bit. He must have hit a book corner or something because his cheek hurt like hell.

"Sorry?" A gruff voice repeated. "Is that all you have to say? It didn't sound sincere, why don't you repeat it?"

Jiyong looked at his surroundings and scowled. Out of all the people he could run into, he ran into Lee Jong Sun and his posse. Jong Sun's family was rather rich and to make matters worse, his father is on the board of education and makes quite a donation annually to their school. Jong Sun was quick to make sure no one could ever forget that fact.

Jiyong was in no mood for any of his bullshit. "Don't push your luck. I bumped into you, I apologized. What more do you want from me?" He tried to brush past the snobby rich boy, but his posse prevented him from doing so. On either side of Jongsun were two unfamiliar boys that looked like they must of failed eighth grade numerous of times.

He instantly recognized them for what they were. 

Lackeys. Henchmen. Totally empty of any original thought and were willing to do everything their boss told them to. Was he in a cliched school drama or what?

"What the fuck is with your attitude, man?" Jongsun asked, a fire in his eyes. This was escalating past a mere confrontation. Jiyong wasn't one to let himself be bullied, but he's smart enough to know that a one-on-three match wasn't going to end in his favor.

Surprisingly, Slave One actually had both the capacity to speak for himself and create coherent sentences.

"Don't mess with him, he's just a little orphan boy," Slave One half whispered.

"More than that, he's Youngbae's friend," Slave Two added.

Surprise hit him upon the mention of his friend's name. He was hardly surprised that his social status has dropped from "Troublesome Kid" to "Poor Little Orphan Boy", but that name suited him; a dead father, a mother who couldn't take care of him, and a brother that was too busy to be a part of his everyday life. He was practically an orphan. However, Jiyong wasn't aware that just the mention of Youngbae's name carried so much weight.

Clearly, Jong Sun was not as amused. He scowled at the mention of Youngbae's name.

"So what if this little shit is Youngbae's friend?"

"He's the _sam jjang_ of our school!" hissed Slave One. "We shouldn't make him angry. I don't even think  _you_ can go against him."

 _Sam jjang?_ Jiyong thought. _So those rumors were true?_ A feeling of unease settled into his stomach just then. Jiyong could hardly believe everything he was learning. How could he not know something so crucial about his best friend? What kind of friend was he?

Jiyong wasn't allowed another moment of lamentation because the air around him turned hostile as Jong Sun slapped a lackey across the face.

"He's _nothing_ without that other shit to back him up," he seethed. " I'm tired of him getting away with everything because he's 'a poor little orphan' or because he's Youngbae's friend," Jong Sun cried. " He should be sucking up to _me,_ because my dad probably pays for his damn school fees!"

He focused his attention to Jiyong. "What? Can't even say a proper thank you to me?"

"I don't owe you anything, asshole. Stop saying stuff about Youngbae or else," Jiyong yelled back, stepping forward to face Jong Sun.

A sinister sneer appeared on Jong Sun's face, and he stepped a bit closer to Jiyong as well. The two were practically nose to nose.

"Or else _what_?" Jong Sun challenged. " Your tiny ass is going to beat me up? Maybe you'll run to your _Youngbae_ for help."

Jiyong's face was visibly red, he was so angry, but Jong Sun wasn't done, he was far from it.

"What is he to you, your _boyfriend_? No wonder you don't hang out with anyone other than that guy. You're probably just using him because of his reputation," Jong Sun stated with sneer.

"Don't talk shit about me, or Youngbae. As if you know anything about friendship. At least _I_ don't pay people to be my friend." Jiyong spat back, but Jong Sun was having none of it. He had leverage, something to go off of. He wanted Jiyong to submit, to feel so low that he wouldn't think about messing with him again. He was Lee Jong Sun damn it.

"So what's the deal?" Jong Sun continued." You suck his dick and he lets you throw around his name and beat up people who you don't like?" He let out a crazy cackle and his minions followed suit. "You must be _damn_ good cuz he follows you around like a lost puppy." He smirked and pressed his lips against Jiyong's ear. "Or maybe it's the other way around. I've always known that Youngbae was a slutty little _faggot_ on the inside. If you give me some ' _service_ ', I'll reconsider beating you up."

That was it. Jiyong had never felt such anger towards anyone before. His hands were shaking, and his teeth were clenched, he could hardly contain himself. How _dare_ he say those things about him, about Youngbae?

At that moment, Jiyong didn't care what happened next; he was going to be the one who had the last word.

With a glare and a slightly amused expression on his face, Jiyong brought forth all of his venom and spat out his counter attack. "Even if I needed money, I wouldn't suck _your_ tiny dick, asshole." 

It was a biting remark from a person Jong Sun didn't expect to fight back. 

In the end, Jong Sun couldn't even find the words to speak against him. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out.

Jiyong had the final say; he won. That didn't stop Jong Sun from snapping his fingers to prompt his body guards to attack him. Nor did it prevent the bloody nose and bruises he would get and would later try so desperately to hide from Dongwook (who was working late that day, thankfully).

In the end, he didn't care. He might have been a little crazy; insane even, but in his mind, he had won the real fight.

And he was _damn_ happy about it, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong said that he had bad grades for awhile when he first started being a trainee, but then he worked hard to get decent grades so that his mom and Papa YG would let him continue to be a trainee.   
> At one point in time, Youngbae was in the top ten students of his class. With that being said, he once scored a thirty percent on a test. 
> 
> Seonsaeng-nim (선생님)=teacher. It can also be used as a polite way of referring to older men.
> 
> Hagwon (학원)= cram school. You know, the school that you go to after going to regular school, to learn even more things. Some go to it to get better in subjects they are weak in, other people attend to learn things that they don't teach in regular school, and yet even more people attend to prepare for high school and university entrance exams. Actually, Hagwons isn't all about the education stuff. There are hagwons for art and music, etc. 
> 
> Manhwa (만화): Korean comics/cartoons/anime. Korean Manhwa= Japanese Manga= Chinese Manhua, though each are a little different from each other, of course, but the terms generally refer to the same thing. 
> 
> Sam jjang (삼짱): Sam=three and jjang means the best, so sam jjang means third best. Although it could be used in many ways, in a school setting (especially in dramas and manhwa), the jjang of the school usually refers to the best fighter. 
> 
> GDYB both said that Taeyang was referred to as the sam jjang in school, although it might have been a misunderstanding. Jiyong said that after he befriended YB and they talked about how hard it was to go to school and stuff, YB said he felt comfortable in school. When Jiyong asked why, he answered "Because I'm the sam jjang of our school." So Jiyong was a little afraid of YB at the time. 
> 
> Meanwhile, YB meant it in a joking manner. He said that since he was from Uijeongbu (a city north of Seoul), the kids were a little rougher compared to those in Seoul. Whenever kids meet, they'd say "Who's the jjang of your school?" So when he met Jiyong, he asked him "Who's the jjang of your school?" and GD said this and that, and when GD asked him where he ranked in school, YB answered "Well, after this person, and that person, I think I rank third?" Since he liked to dance, he sort of hung out with the so called delinquent kids. He never did anything bad, but he caused a lot of trouble (like distracting kids in class, provoking teachers for no reason, singing and dancing in the hallways...)


	8. Realizations

Throughout the night, Jiyong tossed and turned, moaning at the aches and pains that resulted from his altercation. The satisfaction of winning was soon overshadowed by the growing realization of his own stupidity. How the hell could he have felt satisfied about 'winning' when the end result was him being kicked around? Maybe it was because he didn't expect the pain to linger for so long afterward. Pride might have something to do with it. Whatever the case, he was seriously regretting his actions

"Damn," he hissed when he rolled over to his right side only to discover that whole side of his torso was extremely tender. Probably because he was kicked there the most. On top of his physical injuries were the mental and emotional shock of his encounter with Jong Sun, the words he said about him and Youngbae, and the truth about his best friend that everyone seemed to know except for him.

_Sam Jjang_ , Third Best. In the school setting, and especially in old and stereotypical school dramas and manhwas, it would refer to the third best fighter in a school. Jiyong wasn't stupid enough to believe it meant anything else. Youngbae's not a delinquent. Or, he didn't use to be.

_Ah, my head hurts_ , Jiyong thought. And then, that guy saying those things about him and Youngbae. He wasn't offended at being called gay, but the mere suggestion that he was using Youngbae or that their friendship wasn't genuine had him reeling. It was on par with saying anything negative about Dongwook-hyung, who should be given an award or something for being the good person that he was.

_Fuck Jong Sun and anyone else who thinks either of those things. Youngbae and I have gone through so much together, most people can't even relate, and Dongwook hyung is practically a saint._

"Besides," Jiyong said out loud. "Youngbae would make a terrible boyfriend."

He thought about all of Youngbae's bad qualities; his lack of girlfriends, his inexperience with relationships in general, his shyness, also the way he keeps things to himself, and more recent things like his bad grades and his delinquency.

But as Jiyong fell asleep, he started thinking about Youngbae's good qualities. He was patient and kind, gentle and caring, thoughtful and adorably awkward, but also determined, hard working, and creative.

That night, he dreamt of watching movies with Youngbae, of seeing his smile and smiling back, of looking at stars together under the night sky. He dreamt of seeing the blush on Youngbae's cheeks when he was embarrassed, the winner's determination in his eyes when they're playing a game together, and the gentleness and warmth that just radiated from his being.

By morning, Jiyong awoke not remembering anything of his dream other than that lingering feeling of warmth and contentment it left him with. In the bleary state of half consciousness, the image of a bright sun came to mind before being dragged back into the confines of his mind.

* * *

When he awoke, Jiyong planned on asking Dongwook if he could stay home that day because he felt a little ill. Sadly, he didn't have to lie very much to convince him. Incidentally, or maybe God was playing a cosmic joke on him, he awoke with his head pounding, his body (still) aching, and "Running a slight fever" as Dongwook noted when he stuck a thermometer in Jiyong's mouth.

The hyung was about to turn on the light switch to ensure that he was reading the thermometer correctly until his dongsaeng let out a groan. Jiyong only pulled the covers tighter around his face, claiming that the little light was already in the room was making his headache worse. Dongwook complied and thought nothing of Jiyong hiding under the covers.

In reality, Jiyong was trying to hide the bruising on his face, mainly his black eye. He did so successfully. Dongwook tried to get the day off from work, but could not. In the end, he left his little brother with a set of instructions; drink plenty of water, take medicine every four hours for his headache, and get plenty of rest.

"Expect a visit from Youngbae," Dongwook added as he was just leaving. "I asked him to drop by after school."

"Bye hyung," Jiyong replied.

After hearing the door shut, Jiyong began to worry. It was going to be a lot harder for him to hide his black eye from Youngbae and Dongwook as the days went on. He couldn't hide in his room forever.

He was going to have to get creative.

* * *

Having slept most of the morning away, Jiyong was ready for Youngbae when he came by in the afternoon, as Dongwook said. When he heard the door knob turn, Jiyong started to pretend that he was getting a drink, so that his back was to the door when Youngbae entered. He had a hastily thought out plan, but it was better than nothing.

"Hey, Jiyong. How are you?" Youngbae asked.

Back still turned, Jiyong answered, "A lot better." Then, he turned around and started innocently sipping his drink. "Head still hurts, but I can survive."

Youngbae stared at the huge Aviator sunglasses that practically covered Jiyong's entire face. Jiyong returned the stare and nearly dropped his drink. He approached Youngbae, who turned away.

"What happened to you?" Jiyong asked sternly, grabbing him by the chin and forcing Youngbae to look at him. He looked at his friend's cut bottom lip and the bruise that had formed at the corner of his mouth.

"I should be asking you that question," Youngbae whispered as he pulled off Jiyong's sunglasses, revealing his black eye. After an hour of icing, the swelling around his eyes have reduced considerably, but the dark discoloration had yet to show improvement.

A contest began, friend versus friend, loser would be the one who broke eye contact first and the punishment would be to answer every question asked with honesty.

Youngbae licked his lips out of nervousness and tasted the metallic taste of blood. His lower lip began to sting but still he maintained eye contact.

"Tell me who did this to you."

"Not unless you do so first."

Once it became clear that neither friend would back down, Jiyong came up with a compromise.

"We can only ask questions that can only be answered with 'X' or 'O'," Jiyong explained. "One question at a time, switching turns after every question. I'll start; Did you get into a fight?"

Youngbae used his hands to form an O. Jiyong almost went out of turned and asked a follow up question, but it was Youngbae's turn.

"Did _you_ get into a fight?"

Jiyong used his hands to signal an affirmative.

"Was the person who beat you up Jong Sun?"

This time, Youngbae crossed his arms in an 'X'. _Damn_ , Jiyong thought. _Now he'll know_.

"Was the person who beat you up Lee Jong Sun?" Youngbae asked quickly, not even allowing Jiyong to have a thought to himself. Again, Jiyong's hands remained in an 'O' shape.

"Do I know the person who beat you up?" Jiyong whispered, to which Youngbae was about to reply to when the phone rang. Jiyong answered in his calmest voice.

"Yeobseyo?"

Youngbae's mother was screeching on the other line.

"Youngbae-ah! You ungrateful son! How dare you fight-?"

Jiyong ungraciously hung up, hands quivering from the degree of anger evident in the woman's voice. That tone of voice can only be made by an angry mother.

"Your mother," he said weakly, and as soon as he did so, Youngbae started gathering his things. Their rapid question asking time was already coming to a close, but he still felt like he had gained nothing from the event. He couldn't just let Youngbae leave so easily when he had so many questions to ask.

As Youngbae reached the door, Jiyong decided on one final question.

"Just tell me. You getting into fights, being the sam jjang at school, is it true?" Jiyong asked.

"I gotta go," Youngbae murmured and Jiyong was speechless. Before he left, Youngbae paused.

"I'm just a kid who has ruined his family because of fighting. I don't want to trouble you, too."

The door shut with a quiet thud, adding an odd sense of finality to Youngbae's words.

* * *

The afternoon came and went, and by nightfall, Jiyong was still unable to process the situation with Youngbae. Did Youngbae keep this from him to protect him? Was Youngbae's fighting the cause of his parents' fighting? Most importantly, were he and Bae still friends?

At ten o-clock, Dongwook hyung called to tell him he would be running late. That left Jiyong all alone in the house, accompanied only by his thoughts. With the passing of time, he debated over giving Youngbae a call. He just couldn't let things sit as they were, but when his fingers graze the plastic of the phone, he would hesitate. _What if Bae won't talk to me? What if his parents won't let Bae talk to me? What if I can't speak?_

Even though he didn't entertain those thoughts, in the back of his mind, he thought that Youngbae didn't deserve his friendship. He has been keeping secrets from him, even after they promised not to years ago. He couldn't help but reflect on that silly, childish promise made under that tree in the school yard.

_If you call, t_ _hen at least he'll know that you're trying_. He thought, realizing he still wanted, _needed_ Youngbae as a friend. _Maybe that will be enough for him to come to his senses._ As he thought that, there was a light knock on the door. Without hesitation, Jiyong rushed to the front of the house and pulled the door open wide.

"Dongwook hyung, you gotta help-." As the door fully opened, Jiyong was startled to see not Dongwook, but his dear friend standing sheepishly in the door frame, his eyes downcast and a bag of items at his feet.

"Jiyong...," Youngbae said, in a way that was not quite a greeting. He looked at the painful expression on Youngbae's face and the bag of clothes at his feet.

Wordlessly, he allowed him to enter the house, knowing that all was forgiven and that they could move on past that. He could never turn Youngbae away, especially when it seems that his home life is falling apart.

Youngbae was only trying to look out for him, and Jiyong would do the same.

Youngbae welcomed himself to Jiyong's home and made his way towards Jiyong's room as he always did, with Jiyong right behind him. He abruptly made a stop in front of the bathroom, almost causing Jiyong to run into him.

"What's wrong?" Jiyong asked, to which Youngbae replied to by entering the bathroom and running his fingers over a small, black handbag by the sink. It was his mother's...it used to be his mother's make up bag.

It was then that a grin appeared on Youngbae's face, which made Jiyong smile in return, despite not knowing what he was smiling about.

"I want to show you something," Youngbae said. Jiyong knew it was his way of apologizing, and he was ready to accept that apology. 

"Go ahead," he said simply, a feeling of warmth spreading throughout his body.

Because sometimes being by the person you trust so completely just gives you an overwhrlming sense of calm and reassurance.

He still trusts Youngbae. He will always believe in Youngbae and their friendship.

Something that feels so right could never be wrong.

* * *

Faint light and gentle brushes against his skin were all that he could see and feel.

"Are you done yet?" he asked as something bristly began sweeping across his eyelid and then around his upper cheekbones.

"Almost," Bae replied.

Jiyong could hear the concentration in his voice and he was sure he would see it on Youngbae's face if he could open his eyes at that moment. The brush barely touched his face as it dabbed at the corner of his eyes, every touch feather light to ensure that he wouldn't feel any pain. It was a gentleness that he has always known in Youngbae.

"Done," Youngbae finally declared, and Jiyong opened his eyes. Staring back at him was a reflection of himself, though this version was free from the tell tale signs of a fight.

"Wow," was all he could say, and Youngbae beamed at his speechlessness .

The bruise was almost completely hidden by a layer of carefully applied make up, the only signs left being a slight discoloration directly under his eyes, which could easily be explained away as dark eye circles from a restless night of sleep.

All of a sudden, he was struggling to hold back a laugh.

"What?" Youngbae asked bewildered.

"It's funny, thinking about the sam jjang of our school being so good at something so...girly," Jiyong giggled.

"What? Guys can't be artists? It's just like painting, except the canvas is your face," Youngbae laughed. He would be the last one to call himself an artist of any kind, but his talent with make up was not one born out of ambition, but of necessity.

"I've had lots of practice on myself," Youngbae replied, and for some reason that put a stop to Jiyong's giddiness. He recognized the implication that Youngbae had gotten his practice from covering up his own injuries after a fight. He could of been hurt a lot, and Jiyong would be non the wiser if Youngbae had always been so good at hiding it.

"Let's go to bed before Dongwook hyung comes home," Jiyong said quietly, and Youngbae agreed with a nod. There was so much he had yet to learn about Youngbae, so much that he was keeping to himself, that even as they lie besides each other, Youngbae already asleep, Jiyong still felt as if his friend was hiding something from him.

That night, Jiyong spent hours trying to picture Youngbae's gentle hands throwing punches and hurting someone. Then, he tried to think of a life without Youngbae.

He couldn't imagine either scenarios. 


	9. Day Off

The next day arrived faster than he expected. It was a Saturday, a day where Jiyong normally wouldn't even dream of waking up before ten o'clock. However, his slumber was rudely interrupted when he felt a huge weight press down on him suddenly.

"Uuugghhhh," he wheezed as he felt arms wrap around his body in a bear hug. "What..the hell?"

He assumed it was Youngbae messing around, but he didn't remember Youngbae being quite so...tall. Jiyong's entire frame was easily enveloped in this person's arms. He lifted his head a bit to see black locks of hair spilling across his chest. That's when he realized it really wasn't Youngbae. Youngbae has had his hair in cornrows for weeks now.

"Nae dongsaeng~," a muffled voice called out against his chest. He didn't care how childish he seemed at that moment, Jiyong was tired, it was the weekend, and no one should be forced to wake up so early.

"Hyuuuuung!" he whined while struggling to get out of Dongwook's grip. "Let go of me! What the fuck!?"

Dongwooked tsked him and lifted his head to look at his brother.

"Ya, why is my lovable little brother such a rude and ignorant whiner in the morning? You're saying such dirty words and using banmal at your older brother like this?" Dongwook pouted. "Where's my adorable Jiyongie?" At that moment, Jiyong did feel a little embarrassed at the way he swore in front of his hyung. He was usually pretty respectful towards both his seniors and juniors, but when someone deprives him of sleep, well, Bad Jiyong comes out.

"Sorry, hyung," Jiyong said sincerely and then paused. "Why are you here?"

Dongwook played up the aegyo again.

"Wha~t? I can't stay in my own home on my days off?" Dongwook asked in a voice that sounded like he was talking to a five year old.

"Hyung, you're practically a man now, stop it with the aegyo!" Jiyong complained. Dongwook's lower lip protruded into a pout, and even Jiyong had to admit that his hyung could be extremely cute when he wanted to be. It was rare that Dongwook would have the weekend off, and Jiyong was glad to spend time with his brother. Having these moments with Dongwook was even more precious than his sleep time.

"Wow, I didn't realize how much you needed your beauty sleep!" Dongwook exclaimed. "You actually have dark circles under your eyes!"

The mention of his dark circles sent Jiyong's body into a rigid state. He thought back to Youngbae's remark about his bruise showing through his make up slightly. Jiyong began to worry that his tossing and turning had messed with his makeup. That thought process brought him back to Youngbae, who he realized was missing. Dongwook thought that he was crushing his poor dongsaeng and released Jiyong from his bear hug.

"Are you okay?" Dongwook asked worriedly as Jiyong sat up in bed. The covers fell off of him and pooled around his waist, revealing an empty spot besides him. Youngbae was indeed missing.

"Where's...?" Jiyong could barely get out the first word. That was when the bedroom door opened and Youngbae appeared, awake and already dressed in a T-shirt and jeans.

Jiyong relaxed a bit. "Oh, Bae. That's where you are."

At that sentence, Youngbae sighed.

"Is that all you have to say to me in the mornings? You never change," Youngbae said matter of factly, to which Jiyong gave him a puzzling look. Before Youngbae could leave the room, both boys were abruptly assaulted. With one arm locked around the necks of each boys, Dongwook pulled the boys onto the bed so that they would all fall back together.

"Ah, my adorable dongsaengs!" he gushed. "Why are you guys so cute?"

"Hyung...I can't breathe," Jiyong gasped, still slightly annoyed. Though when he looked at Dongwook and Youngbae's beaming faces, he couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

It didn't take much convincing for Dongwook to get the boys to accompany him to the beach. When Youngbae expressed doubts about leaving Jiyong's mother alone, Dongwook told him he had everything taken care of.

"I have a friend looking after her," he explained and the matter was settled. They were going to the beach.

Dongwook watched with amusement as Jiyong and Youngbae scurried about the house, gathering their things. Having planned this day, he was already packed up and ready to go. There was something absolutely calming about the sight of his two dongsaengs running around in excitement, quickly putting together a backpack full things they deemed necessary to bring along on their trip.

Every time Youngbae would pass by, he would stare at his lips and the bruise at the corner of his mouth. When he came home to (not surprisingly) find Youngbae walking around making breakfast, he noticed the injuries immediately. After Youngbae told him the story about him getting into a fight, Dongwook gently grasped him by the shoulders and said, "If you're ever in any trouble, be it in school or out of school, don't hesitate to tell someone. Me, Jiyong, or even your parents will listen. I'm sure even they will be able to stop their arguments if you tell them."

The skepticism in Youngbae's eyes about that last comment made Dongwook's heart sink to his stomach. _Did Youngbae truly have such little faith in his parents?_ Instead of releasing his grip on the younger's shoulders, Dongwook pulled him into a tight hug.

"You know that you'll always have Jiyong and I, right?" he whispered. No matter how much his heart wanted that to be the truth, Dongwook felt like he was telling a lie.

* * *

They arrived at Sokcho beach after a short bus ride. Early morning bus rides were quite bearable when there weren't too many commuters on. Compared to the heat, noise, and crowdedness of later times, an early bus was a God-send for those who wake up early enough to catch it. Sokcho beach was a beautiful sight; white sands, clear waters, an unobstructed view of the East Sea.

Dongwook lead a countdown to see who could be the first to reach the shoreline from the parking lot and took off as soon as the suggestion left his mouth.The outcries and complaints from the two dongsaengs had him laughing all the way and as soon as he felt the water lapping at his toes, he was tackled into the shallow water.

He wrestled in wet sands, holding Jiyong in place with both arms and keeping Youngbae at bay with his legs. Water and wet sand proved to be a disadvantage to him and Youngbae managed to slip away like a wriggly fish. With his hands occupied with Jiyong, Dongwook couldn't fight off Youngbae's attack; a series of tickles. Soon enough, Jiyong was free from his grasp, and the younger boys were making a run for it.

He wouldn't let them go so easily.

He reached out and grasped Jiyong's ankle before they could get too far, and his younger brother face planted into the wet sand with a yelp. A laugh escaped Dongwook's lips and he heard the same coming from Youngbae. As Jiyong picked himself up from the ground, a sandy facial mask on his face, he could hear the smile behind the disgruntled voice, and his heart has never been lighter.

He had missed this, missed them. He missed hearing Jiyong's and Youngbae's laughter that still had that child like innocence in it. He wanted to hear those laughs more often, to reassure himself that he was doing _something_ right and that his decisions were bearing positive results.

In many ways, Dongwook considers himself a man. This realization has changed the way he thought and the way he looked. From a young age, he knew he had to bear the responsibility that the death of his father had brought into the family. As he aged and it became clear that he had to shoulder the responsibility of being both parents, he changed. Gone were the days of spending hours at the PC-Bang after school, carelessly wasting time without a care in the world. Now, he was lucky to have a moment to himself.

However, Dongwook felt that he could blame no one to but himself. He had never been one to shift the blame to anyone else, even when he himself was not at fault. He saw no use in blaming his father for the current situation; the man was dead. He felt similarly about his mother; she wasn't strong enough to handle it. But he was young, he was strong, and he  _will_ find a way to make his family happy.

Sitting at a table outside of a boardwalk restaurant, Dongwook pulled out a cellphone. It was a black flip phone recently given to him by a friend. He quickly dialed home. 

"Yeobseyo?" He smiled as the person on the other end answered. "Hey, how are you? How is Eomma?"

_"She's just fine. I tried to get her to go outside for a bit, but she wouldn't leave."_

"Don't worry, that's normal. I've been trying to introduce her to the idea that no matter where she is, Appa is always with her, but she still isn't keen on the idea of leaving the house," he explained with a hint of sadness. He glanced down at the wooden table, but smiled when the waitress brought him the drinks he ordered. 

 _"If she doesn't go, then what?_ " the voice prodded gently. Dongwook fiddled with the straw in his drink.

"I don't know," he whispered. From a distance, he could see Youngbae and Jiyong returning from the changing rooms. "But I'll find a way to make everything work out." 

 _"Don't do anything stupid."_ the voice warned, sensing the end of their conversation was approaching.

"I won't. I have to go now. Take care."

_"You too."_

As the boys approached, Dongwook safely stashed his phone away in his bag of things.

* * *

Youngbae reapplied his makeup while they were in the changing rooms. They managed to find an empty stall for themselves and Jiyong trusted Youngbae to do everything precisely. He didn't even feel the need to check it in the mirror because he didn't want Dongwook hyung to suspect anything if they took too long. As they approached, Dongwook began to laugh.

"Come on, aren't you guys being a little too much?" he asked. Compared to the scantily clad Dongwook, the boys were reluctant to show much of their torso and covered up with identical T-shirts.

"Hyung! How can we compare to you?!" Jiyong exclaimed, pointing at Dongwook's well sculpted body.

"Compared to you, we're sort of...lacking," Youngbae added.

Dongwook laughed, remembering how self conscious he was as a teenager. Jiyong and Youngbae exchanged a quick glance that went unnoticed by Dongwook. In reality, it was all a cover up to hide Jiyong's bruise on his side.

"Get your drinks and let's go. We'll have a little more fun before heading home. I do have to work tomorrow," Dongwook informed.

The boys smiled and Dongwook smiled back, looking from Jiyong to Youngbae while fighting the disheartening feeling in his chest.

It was the most fun he had in a long time. Being with Dongwook hyung and Youngbae, not worry about school, home, or _her_ , just enjoying everything. He was happy. Happier than he has been in years. They spent their time throwing a ball to each other on the beach, burying each other in sand, and even sculpting sand castles only to destroy them later. After awhile, everyone was growing visibly tired and somehow, Jiyong managed to fall asleep under an umbrella.

When he woke up, Dongwook hyung was talking to Youngbae, who had his head down and his mouth set in a frown. Dongwook hyung had his hand on Youngbae's shoulder, and something else by his ear. As Jiyong made it closer to them, he realized that Dongwook was talking to a phone, not at Youngbae.

"Yes. Yes Eommo-nim, I'm very sorry about everything," Dongwook was saying as Jiyong approached.

"Who is it?" Jiyong asked, looking from Dongwook to Youngbae.

"My mother," Youngbae answered quietly, eyes still downcast.

"You see Eommo-nim, I brought him out with me to tell him that my family will be moving to Seoul soon. This might be the only time I get to spend with both of them because, well, you know my work schedule."

Moving?

"Thank you for understanding. I'll have him home immediately." Dongwook ended the call and faced his dongsaengs with a bitter smile. "Not quite the way I wanted you to find out," he whispered. Jiyong was frozen. The single question in his mind was; why? Why now when they were having such a good time? Why now when Youngbae's mother has never cared about him leaving in the middle of the night and never coming home until after supper that same day? He was mad at Dongwook for not telling him earlier and mad at his hyung for bringing him out in the first place, using the beach as a cushion for his fatal blow. Did he honestly think that taking him and Youngbae out for a day would make up for the truth?

"C'mon Jiyong, let's go," Dongwook whispered, patting his shoulder apologetically as he gripped a saddened Youngbae under his other arm. Jiyong couldn't even speak or bring his head up to look at his friend. The incoming separation was too much. He shrugged off Dongwook's loose grip on his shoulder and ran.

Ignoring Dongwook's frantic cries for him to come back, Jiyong hailed a taxi cab and started making his way home.

* * *

On the outside, it seemed as if nothing was wrong. He exited the taxi in a calmly fashion and payed the man the correct amount of money. For a moment, Jiyong stood outside of the only home  he has ever known and took it all in. The little house that kept all of his memories, the good and the bad, stared back at him and something clicked in his mind. 

_This cannot happen._

He ran into the house, pushing away a person he didn't recognize (probably Dongwook's friend), and made his way upstairs to the one person that could fix the situation.

She was sitting in a chair looking out of the window, a faint smile on her lips. 

"Jagiya, look. Isn't it beautiful outside?" 

Jiyong tried to calm his heart, to keep his mind clear as he knelt in front of the woman he despised. He tentatively put his hand on her knee to grab her attention and waited patiently for her to acknowledge his presence. 

When she didn't so much as look at him, he took a deep breath and willed himself to speak. 

"You have to do something," he whispered. He was almost shaking with the effort he was putting into speaking to her. The pleading, the desperation in his voice was showing through and it made him sick. Jiyong had made an unspoken promise to never speak to this woman again, but apparently this was the year for breaking promises. "You have to do something so that Dongwook hyung won't make us move. He'll listen to you. If you say something...Hyung will definitely listen."

His voice began to shake and the tears that he had been shedding so often made a reappearance as he started to beg.

"Please! Just this once...After all of this time..." Jiyong's  voice cracked as he added his final plea. "Just this once, can you act like the mother you're suppose to be, like the mother you used to be? Please, Eomma!"

As if the words have finally sunk in, his mother turned to look at him. She took his face into her hands and started wiping the tears away gently, like she used to when he was small. For a moment, he felt like he was five years old again and his mother was the gentle, kind, and strong woman she used to be, the person he could count on no matter what. 

"Jagiya. Doesn't he look as cute as the day we brought him home?" she smiled an almost sickening bright smile and Jiyong could only look at her in disbelief. From behind him, he could hear someone running up the stairs and the door being thrown open as they entered the room. 

"Eomma. Do you even love me?" he whispered. He wanted to hear her answer before Dongwook hyung pulled him away.

Again, she flashed him a smile. 

"Of course I do. Even though we aren't related by blood, Eomma has  _always_ loved you."

At that exact moment, his life as he knew it crumbled into nonexistence. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 반말 Banmal is informal speech
> 
> Sokcho beach is actually a real beach in Korea.


	10. Shattered

Solitude became his new best friend.

In a place that only consisted of himself, there was no one to hurt him.

But that also meant that there was no one to comfort him.

Before he can try to understand the world around him, he has to figure out who _he_ was.

_Jiyong._

_Who am I?_

* * *

He didn't go to school.

He didn't even leave his room.

A day has passed.

Or was it a week?

He couldn't be sure. He was never sure of anything anymore.

The room was dark because he pulled the curtains closed and kept them that way, day and night. His cheeks were sticky with dried up tears, but he couldn't recall the last time he actually cried. Jiyong discovered that after awhile, the tears stopped flowing.

Dongwook hyung would stop in to check up on him from time to time, and each time he came along, Jiyong would retreat further into the protective cocoon of his bedsheets. Dongwook would come in and try to apologize, try to lure him out of the safety of his new home, but Jiyong would push him away. He just didn't understand; no one did.

And the only person who would even have a chance of understanding will be separated from him soon enough, so what's the point?

Dongwook couldn't understand how every time he spoke, all Jiyong could hear were lies.

No one could possibly understand how the reality he has always known has disintegrated into dust at his feet. It was like he was broken inside, shattered into a million pieces and he didn't even know where to begin putting the pieces back together.

How could he repair something when he didn't even know where the pieces fit together?

How could he fix himself if he wasn't even sure who he is anymore?

"You knew, you fucking knew and you didn't tell me."

"Jiyong, please-."

"Just get out of my room."

"Jiyong-."

"Get. Out."

Reluctantly, Dongwook retreated. Before he pulled the door close, he paused.

"We have one more week before we leave for good. I'll be working until the day before our departure because we'll need all the money we can get. In the mean time, you should say your goodbyes." When Jiyong didn't respond, Dongwook added, "You'll regret it if you don't."

With that, he shut the door and left Jiyong alone once more.

In the darkness with his dried up tears, he burrowed into his bed sheets and hid himself from the fucked up world.

* * *

As the dreaded day drew nearer, Jiyong became restless. He found himself leaving his room and pacing around the kitchen for hours at a time. The plastic phone was always within reach, but every time he made a move to pick it up, his hands would shake uncontrollably and he'd back away.

He was a coward.

* * *

A deep breath, and the press of a few buttons. His hands shook as he held the phone to his ear. While the ringing sounded, he contemplated just hanging up, but he had already told himself that he wasn't going to back out now.

Finally, when the call connected, Jiyong spoke.

“Is Youngbae there?”

* * *

He sat along the shoreline watching the waves roll in. The cloudy sky rumbled in warning and the ominous clouds ensured that no one else would be at the beach that day. Jiyong didn't know what he was thinking when he told Youngbae to meet him at Sokcho beach, the place where the end of his world began. Maybe, despite the sting of Dongwook's betrayal, this place really held some happy memories from that day. Maybe it's because it was one of the only places where he knew they could be alone. Whatever the case, Jiyong was ready. He didn't know what he was going to say or how he's going to say it, but he would hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn't say goodbye to Youngbae.

He heard Youngbae long before he saw him. The low rumbling of a lone bus pulling into the parking lot was all the confirmation he needed. Jiyong patiently waited, eyes focused on a nonexistent island in the horizon as the sound of someone walking through sand grew nearer. Even when he knew that Youngbae was standing directly behind him, Jiyong remained sitting on the ground facing the sea.

Neither of them said a word.

Now that Youngbae was here, he couldn't find the right words to say. Even if he could find the words, there was this stupid blockage in the back of his throat that would make his voice waver if he said more than a few words.

He could feel the sand shift besides him as Youngbae sat down.

“You haven't been to school in awhile,” Youngbae started. “Our homeroom teacher keeps asking me where you are, even though Dongwook hyung called in saying that you're busy preparing for your move to Seoul.” A smile flitted across Youngbae's face. “He's really observant, our homeroom teacher. He knew something was up and he asked me about it. I told him that you weren't ready to say goodbye yet. I think he understands.”

Jiyong scoffed a bit, but said nothing.

“You will be fine,” Youngbae assured.

_No, I won't._

Youngbae continued. “You'll be fine. I'll be fine. We'll visit each other, okay?”

And from the corner of his eyes, he saw Youngbae bite his lips in a way that could only have meant he was deliberating whether or not he wanted to say what he was thinking.

“Just say it,” Jiyong sighed, trying to control the emotions that were everywhere at once.

“You have to make up with Dongwook hyung.”

That had him up on his feet and looking down at a startled Youngbae.

“No,” Jiyong said defiantly, anger surfacing through the sea of emotions he was feeling. “I will not.”

“I know Dongwook hyung was wrong to have lied to us that day, but he was only trying to-.”

“Just shut up,” he said harshly. Youngbae looked up at him incredulously.

“Ji, I'm just as upset as you are. I know how you feel-,” his friend argued and that was when the dam holding back his emotions crumbled and Jiyong exploded.

“Know how I feel? How could you know what I'm feeling right now?” Jiyong cried. “My whole life is in pieces.”

Youngbae stood up to put a hand on Jiyong's shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

“Jiyong, I get it-.”

“HOW?” he screamed. “Don't tell me to forgive him, because I won't. You wouldn't either if you found out that you're not even brothers, that your parents aren't really your parents.”

Silence was the only way Youngbae could express his shock. He wasn't planning on telling Youngbae, but his friend always had this weird talent of extracting the truth out of him, unintentionally.

“You know what that means?” he asked quietly, taking advantage of Youngbae's shock. “That means that I was abandoned by not one, but _two_ sets of parents. Do you know how fucked up that is? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why can't I be good enough?”

Amidst all of his ranting and raving, Jiyong had failed to notice the tears he were shedding until he tasted the saltiness around his lips. His chest was heaving, forcing air into his lungs, trying to calm his irregular heart beat. He could practically hear his blood boiling.

He just felt so _angry._

The anger made him so hyper aware of everything that he saw something he hadn't noticed before.

There was a hint of a bruise peeking out from under the sleeve of Youngbae's shirt, and for some reason, that only made him _angrier._

_You're still fighting. Why do promises mean nothing?_

“I knew that it was stupid the moment we made that promise,” he said bitterly.

“What are you talking about?” Youngbae asked, trying desperately to keep up with Jiyong's mood swings.

"My parents, my brother, _everyone_ has lied to me. Go ahead. Lie to me like everyone else in my fucking life." He took a step towards Youngbae and pushed him in the chest, sending the other boy staggering backwards a bit. " _'Jiyong doesn't need to know the truth. He's just a kid. He won't understand'_."

With every sentence, he stepped forward and pushed Youngbae again and again, the boy staggering backwards with each push.

"Well you know what? Fuck _you_. Fuck _everyone!_ "

And with one final shove, Youngbae toppled backwards onto the sand, looking up at an enraged Jiyong. Thunder crackled and lightening flashed as if Jiyong's anger had summoned them.

But the moment Jiyong made eye contact with his friend as he laid there looking up at him was the moment his anger just dissipated into thin air.

Suddenly, he wasn't angry anymore.

He thought about Jong Sun and his henchmen, the boys that spat hateful words about him and Youngbae before pummeling him to a pulp. Even though they were wary of Youngbae, perhaps they had an encounter at school. After all, Jiyong wasn't there to witness it; of course they would choose to fight Youngbae knowing that he didn't have any backup.

With a calm voice, he offered Youngbae his hand. “Just tell me who has been beating you up.”

Youngbae refused his hand and stood up on his own. “What do you care,” he spat. “It doesn't matter anyways.”

As stubborn as he was, Youngbae could be equally as stubborn. Whenever he was angry, Youngbae was calm, and vice-versa. Their friendship has always been like that.

 _Why do I have to fuck things up so badly?_ Jiyong thought as Youngbae promptly turned around and started walking away from him.

He rushed to catch up with his friend and grabbed him by the arm.

“Forget what I just said. I was being stupid and angry and...Just, _please_ tell me. I'll be transferring schools anyways. They can't punish me when I'm gone. Please,” Jiyong pleaded. 

It started to sprinkle, tiny droplets of rainwater as they stood there again, Jiyong holding Youngbae by the arm, and Youngbae facing away from him, eyes downcast.

He could have sworn he had misheard, but he was listening so intently, it was impossible not to have heard.

“It's my dad, okay?” Youngbae answered, voice barely above a whisper, before tearing himself out of Jiyong's grasp and then walking away.

_His dad?_

He made it up past the sandy beach and into the parking lot before Jiyong came to his senses and ran after him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Specially double update of Dysfunctional and Until the End for Youngbae's comeback (yeah!)
> 
> Ringalingaling, ringalingaling~
> 
> And who was there to support his BFF? (Jiyong of course!)
> 
> Really, these two. I can't get enough. If you didn't hear about it already, there was an interview that YB did where he was like “G-Dragon and I lean on each other a lot … G-Dragon does it and I do it, too—we have a special relationship … We are a match made in heaven to the point I think I should marry someone like that if I were to marry.
> 
> “That is why we have a longing … We have our individual dispositions that are so different, which is why when we observe this, we long for each other.”
> 
> One day, I will have to dedicate a post/blog to explaining the GDYB relationship and what I think of it because there's so much to say, but yet their actions speak for themselves. Ugh. Okay. Done for now.


	11. It's Me

"Youngbae!" Jiyong cried. "Youngbae, wait!"

His split second of hesitation gave his friend a short head start, but Jiyong caught up with him in no time, though his efforts created a pain in his side. However, even when he caught up with Youngbae, he realized that he had nothing to say. His mind raced to put together something that sounded at least somewhat comforting, but he was drawing blanks. All he could do was walk a few paces behind Youngbae, following him like a shadow.

In a matter of seconds, their roles have reversed. Now, it was Jiyong's turn to calm an emotional Youngbae, and he realized how difficult it must have been for Youngbae. His friend has always been the one to comfort him whenever he was hurting, but now that their roles were reversed, Jiyong couldn't even find the words to speak. It was always Youngbae who was the voice of reason, the one who solved everything with words while Jiyong simmers in his misery and frustration until he lets it out with anger or tears.

_"Just, please tell me. I'll be transferring schools anyways. They can't punish me when I'm gone. Please."_

_"It was my dad, okay?"_

How does he even begin to try and respond to that?

The rain began pouring down in earnest now as they continued walking, past the parking lot and past the bus stop. The area was eerily deserted, Jiyong noted. Even as they walked alongside the streets, there wasn't a vehicle in sight. He was becoming increasingly uneasy as he followed Youngbae and they came across fewer buildings. Surely, Youngbae wasn't planning on walking home with this storm going on, right?

After shaking his soggy bangs out of his eyes, Jiyong found his voice. "Youngbae-ah, it's pouring. Let's get out of the rain," Jiyong suggested over the rumble of thunder.

His friend didn't skip a beat.

"Youngbae," Jiyong warned, heart thumping wildly as they increasingly distanced themselves from the town. Youngbae neither acknowledged nor showed any sign of listening to Jiyong. He grabbed Youngbae's shoulder and forcefully turned him around.

"Do you want to die of fucking pneumonia? Don't be stubborn and let's get out of the middle of the street and go wait for a bus somewhere before we freeze to death!" The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Anger was not what Youngbae needed from him at the moment. Jiyong hated himself for how difficult it was for him to comfort his friend and express his concern for him. He was doing everything all wro

"Youngbae!" Jiyong cried. "Youngbae, wait!"

His split second of hesitation gave his friend a short head start, but Jiyong caught up with him in no time, though his efforts created a pain in his side. However, even when he caught up with Youngbae, he realized that he had nothing to say. His mind raced to put together something that sounded at least somewhat comforting, but he was drawing blanks. All he could do was walk a few paces behind Youngbae, following him like a shadow.

In a matter of seconds, their roles have reversed. Now, it was Jiyong's turn to calm an emotional Youngbae, and he realized how difficult it must have been for Youngbae. His friend has always been the one to comfort him whenever he was hurting, but now that their roles our reversed, Jiyong couldn't even find the words to speak. It was always Youngbae who was the voice of reason, the one who solved everything with words while Jiyong simmers in his misery and frustration until he lets it out with anger or tears.

_"Just, please tell me. I'll be transferring schools anyways. Please."_

_"It was my dad, okay?"_

How does be even begin to try and respond to that?

The rain began pouring down in earnest now as they continued walking, past the parking lot and past the bus stop. The area was eerily deserted, Jiyong noted. Even as they walked alongside the streets, there wasn't a vehicle in sight. He was becoming increasingly uneasy as he followed Youngbae and they came across fewer buildings. Surely, Youngbae wasn't planning on walking home with this storm going on, right?

After shaking his soggy bangs out of his eyes, Jiyong found his voice. "Youngbae-ah, it's pouring. Let's get out of the rain," Jiyong sugguested over the rumble of thunder.

His friend didn't skip a beat.

"Youngbae," Jiyong warned, heart thumping wildly as they increasingly distanced themselves from the town. Youngbae neither acknowledged nor showed any sign of listening to Jiyong. He grabbed Youngbae's shoulder and forcefully turned him around.

"Do you want to die of fucking pneumonia? Don't be stubborn and let's get out of the middle of the street and go wait for a bus somewhere before we freeze to death!" The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Anger was not what Youngbae needed from him at the moment. Jiyong hated himself for how difficult it was for him to comfort his friend and express his concern for him. He was doing everything all wrong and he knew it.

The surprise in Youngbae's eyes at being turned around so abruptly was slowly disappearing, replaced with a look of emptiness that scared Jiyong so much because it wasn't him, it wasn't Youngbae.

"What does it matter if I get sick?" Youngbae whispered darkly. His expression looked distant as if he had drifted to a dark place and Jiyong wasn't even there, even though he was right in front of him. "Better yet, why don't I just step in front of a bus and just... get it over with? It might be easier that way."

Even Jiyong was surprised at the resounding smack that even the rain couldn't muffle. He didn't know how he conjured the strength to wrestle Youngbae to the ground and roll on top of him. Ignoring the sting of his hand, he grabbed a fist full of Youngbae's shirt and clenched it tightly in his hand as he tried to contain the rage inside of him. Youngbae looked up at him with a look of pure shock on his face and maybe even a hint of fear. Jiyong knew he must of looked livid and insane on the outside, but an almost painful, body binding fear was what he felt on the inside. He didn't care if he looked mentally unstable, because he had to make Youngbae understand, even if he had to use force to get his point across.

The words came out loud and clear through his clenched teeth. "Don't you ever, ever, say something like that ever again, Dong Youngbae," Jiyong growled. "Doing...That. Easy? You think that killing yourself will solve the probem? It won't. Don't be so selfish."

His voice shook as he loosened his grip on Youngbae's shirt. For a moment, he was glad for the rain; it made it easier to hide his tears. His last few words were heavy with emotions.

"Don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to me."

There was a brief moment of silence filled only by the pitter patter of raindrops where the two friends just looked at each other. That moment was harshly interrupted by the blare of a horn and the shining of a bright light, followed by the squeal of tires and the familiar hiss of a bus coming to a stop.

They were so caught up in their moment that they failed to notice the approach of the bus. An elderly driver stepped out of the vehicle and yelled at them.

"Damn kids, get off the road! I nearly ran over you, you punks! You better be thankful that I still have good eyes, otherwise...." The man shook his head and wiped his face of the water. He blinked a few more times to see that the two kids had not moved. "Get off your asses and either go home or get on the bus, you little bastards!" the man barked.

The two kids didn't need much prompting after that. Jiyong scrambled off of Youngbae as Youngbae rushed to his feet and the two scurried onto the bus, the old man shaking his head at them as he followed in their footsteps.

"Damn kids these days," he muttered to himself as he too boarded the bus.

* * *

The kids sat on opposite sides of the bus as the old man sifted through a box behind  the driver's seat. Jiyong kept his eyes on his feet as he was sure Youngbae was doing as well. There was an awkward atmosphere that had settled between the two friends and at that moment Jiyong was afraid that perhaps they weren't friends anymore. They had never been so cold to each other, had never fought so badly. 

The fact that Youngbae wouldn't even sit next to him spoke volumes.

After a few more awkward minutes of nothing but the scavenging of the bus driver, the old man turned around and tossed something in Jiyong's direction, to which he caught out of reflex.

It was a small blanket that was slighty frayed at the edges.

"Found it on the bus a few weeks back. No one has claimed it yet," the gruff voice of the bus driver explained. He eyed Jiyong and then Youngbae. "I only have one, so either you guys share or one of you will have to do without."

He then asked where they were heading too, and Jiyong quickly rambled off his address, but his eyes were sneaking glances at Youngbae who seemed to have resigned himself to his blanketless fate.

Youngbae turned his head to face the window and crossed his arms. The way he crossed his arms nonchalantly made it seem like he wouldn't care for a blanket, but Jiyong could see the slight quiver of his body and his arms tightening around his torso. 

As he gripped the blanket tighter in his hands, Jiyong silently decided that he was going to be the bigger person and resolve this situation himself.

The bus was just beginning to move when Jiyong wordlessly got out of his seat and plopped himself down right next to Youngbae. Before Youngbae could protest or move away, he unfolded the blanket and quickly threw it over both of them, moving closer so that the blanket would cover them better and so that they could share a bit of body heat.

He didn't say a word, but he could tell that Youngbae was thankful. After awhile, he could sense the awkwardness melting away and though it didn't totally dissipate,  Jiyong could feel the atmosphere between them returning to some semblance of normalcy. 

He could have sworn there was a quiet, "Thank you," that came from the person next to him, but he decided against commenting, which was fine for the both of them.

It wasn't long before both of them nodded off.

The driver took a glance back at the sleeping boys and shook his head, a small smile playing on his aged face.

He didn't know the boys, but he could sense the comraderie between the two through the tense atmosphere. He knew they wouldn't fight for long and he also expected Jiyong to share his blanket. Some relationships were just too easy to read.

* * *

 

The next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake by the elderly bus driver. Jiyong took a glance at his surroundings and was startled to see that Youngbae was no longer besides him and that the blanket they were sharing previously was draped over him instead.

"He asked to be dropped off somewhere else," the bus driver said, pointing a finger at the road to their right. "He told me not to wake you until your stop, but-."

"Thanks for telling me," Jiyong said hurriedly as he abruptly stood up and sloppily folded up the blanket before shoving it into the driver's hands. "I'll be getting off here instead."

He was halfway to the front of the bus when the old man called out for him.

"Kid!"

He turned around, frowning at the time he was wasting by stopping. He recognized the road the man had pointed to and he needed to hurry if he wanted to stop Youngbae.

The bus driver gave him a small smile and a knowing look.

"Don't loose him," he said, obviously referring to Youngbae. "Good friends are hard to come by and I'd hate to see a beautiful relationship go to waste."

The hardened expression on Jiyong's face softening into a smile.

"I won't," Jiyong answered simply before running out of the bus, off to pursue his best friend.

* * *

 

It didn't take long for him to spot Youngbae, who had not wandered far. He sprinted as quickly as he could, fighting the new stitch in his side, which reminded him why he didn't try out for the track and field team earlier that year.

Perhaps he was faster than he thought maybe because Youngbae was not paying attention to his surroundings, but he caught up to him without Youngbae noticing and grabbed a hold of Youngbae's shoulder.

The reaction was instantaneous. Youngbae flinched and quickly fought off his hold before attempting to run off, not once sparing a glance behind him. He didn't get very far for he stumbled over a shoelace that became undone and he fell to the ground, sprawled on his stomach. Almost immediately, Youngbae curled up into a defensive position, one hand covering his head and the other held out as if he was surrendering.

He was also muttering something as Jiyong bent down and tenatively touched his hand, which had been scraped and bleeding from the fall.

He just kept repeating himself, saying "Youngbae, it's me, it's Jiyong. It's Jiyong!" as he fought a sickening feeling in his stomach and a tightness in his chest. There was also a brief flare of anger, but he repressed it in an instant.

_Is this what would have happened if I would have let you go?_

As he got closer, he could hear that Youngbae was apologizing profusely under his breath and his heart sunk to the floor. He tried to control his voice, tried to appear as calm and collected as he could even though inside, he was breaking at the sight of Youngbae like this.

"It's me, Bae. It's Jiyong. It's me, Jiyong," he repeated gently until Youngbae put down his arms and looked at him as if seeing him for the very first time.

His lips quivered for only a moment before he looked away, breaking eye contact from Jiyong. When he spoke, Jiyong could hear the shame and humiliation in Youngbae's voice as if Jiyong had seen something he thought was embarrassing and shameful.

"Just...just go home, Ji," Youngbae said finally in a defeated tone of voice.

Oddly enough, Jiyong wanted to laugh, as if the mere suggestion was utter ridiculousness. He would have, too, if he didn't think that doing so would make Youngbae crumple right before his eyes. Instead, he just shook his head and enveloped Youngbae in a gentle hug.

"Not unless you come with me," Jiyong said.

Youngbae didn't reciprocate his hug, but his entire body slumped into him as if he was giving up, like he knew that this was an argument that he couldn't win and he didn't have the strength or will to fight back.

In the middle of the street amidst a torrential downpour,Youngbae lost all the fight in him and gave in to Jiyong's gentle embrace.

"Okay, " he muttered softly into Jiyong's shoulder. "Okay."

 


	12. Decison

The rain had calmed down to a very fine mist by the time the two boys arrived at Jiyong's house. It made little difference to the two, who were already thoroughly soaked to the bone, but Jiyong did his best to unlock the door as quickly as he could and both boys quietly entered the house.

The entryway was a sopping mess as they stood there to take off their shoes, a calm silence befalling them. With his wind blown, disheveled hair and comically saturated clothing that was sagging due to the amount of water it had absorbed, Jiyong felt laughter bubbling up his throat. When he caught a glimpse of himself through the reflective glass of a display case, Jiyong couldn't help but laugh at himself and how pitifully miserable be looked.

It was so unexpected that Youngbae was actually startled by the sound, but once Jiyong started, Youngbae's face broke out into a grin and he joined in as well, because he felt that if he didn't laugh, he might end up crying instead and he didn't want to make Jiyong's departure any harder than it already was.

It didn't make sense to either boy, but they couldn't keep the grins off of their faces as they looked at each other's ragged appearance and filled the room with laughter. Every time it would seem like their laughter would come to an end, they would sneak a glance at each other and burst into a series of renewed giggles. It was ridiculous and childish, but it made the heaviness of the situation disappear. Maybe deep down, they knew. They laughed to hide the sadness from each other so that when it was time to say goodbye, they would actually be able to say it.

 When Jiyong was finally able to look at Youngbae without bursting into laughter, he gave his friend a nod. "Why don't you take a bath? You look like shit." Jiyong grinned.

 Youngbae was quick to shake his head in refusal. "You look just as bad," he pointed out. "Why don't you go first? This is your house after all."

"Right. It's  _my_  house and so I say that  _you_  shower first." 

Youngbae had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at Jiyong's childish logic, feeling like he was in primary school again, but grinning nonetheless.

"Besides," Jiyong continued, his voice growing a bit softer. "You're freezing."

Youngbae felt a steady hand grab hold of his quivering forearm and he had to mentally remind himself that it was only Jiyong, though his body tensed all the same. He hoped Jiyong didn't notice, and seeing no reaction from Jiyong, Youngbae figured that he hadn't.

 Youngbae didn't even realize he had been shivering.

Jiyong had the benefit of a long sleeved sweater to keep out the cold, but Youngbae had been wearing a T-shirt the whole time. It suddenly dawned on him just how cold he actually was as Jiyong let go of his arm and he felt himself quiver. Changing his mind, Youngbae decided to take Jiyong up on his offer. A hot shower was becoming more and more appealing.

"Thanks," he said gently as Jiyong lead him down the hall towards the bathroom. Before parting ways and going through their respective door, Jiyong casted one final sideways glance at Youngbae from the doorway of his bedroom.

He imagined watching Youngbae's back disappear as if Youngbae was the one leaving him behind. He felt crushed, as if his chest had collapsed upon itself and he wondered if it was suppose to be this hard to let go before reminding himself that  _he_  was going to be that one leaving and Youngbae would be the one left behind. Youngbae would be the one watching his back disappear as he walked away. It would be him who would feel this chest crushing pain, but of course he would never show it because Youngbae was Youngbae and he was better at hiding things than Jiyong had thought.

 

 

* * *

He immediately started stripping off his shirt as soon as he closed the door. The T-shirt had become like a second skin on him and it was a bit difficult to peel off. Youngbae's shirt was half off when he hit a tender area that had him hissing in pain instantly. Gritting his teeth, he quickly pulled the rest of the shirt off of him and inspected himself in the mirror.

When he looked over his reflection, he had to agree with Jiyong's statement; he looked like shit.

He started with the usual checks; face, neck, arms, and then lower back. It had become a habit of his. Youngbae always checked these areas first because those are the areas people would notice first. If he wasn't careful, the simple act of bending over could become his undoing, if the shirt lifted too far up his back, if anyone were to look. He checked to make sure that his clothes covered any injury he had, although his father took great effort to hit him in areas that wouldn't be noticeable. 

If his father could identify an injury within a glance, Youngbae was hit. 

If he didn't give a good answer to a question his father asked, he was hit. 

If the school calls, for any reason, he was hit. 

In fact, it would have been much easier to list off the times that he _doesn't_ get hit, which were when they were out in public and when he wasn't home.

His mother was never home to help him. Even if she was home, she would turn a blind eye to them and he didn't blame her. If she tried to help, she would probably be caught in his father's wrath as well.

He didn't understand as a kid that the economy was bad and hitting them hard; that his father was angry because he was laid off; that he was ashamed of his wife having to work because he alone couldn't support the family. He resorted to alcoholism and venting out his frustrations verbally to his wife, and when she wasn't around, physically on his son.

It had been going on for as long as Youngbae could remember, ever since he was young. It got a little better as he got older and met Jiyong. Being with him made Youngbae forget about his house and everything that happened in it. Jiyong also made his home available to him, so whenever he would get a bad feeling or if his dad was being especially brutal, Youngbae would run off to Jiyong's house in the middle of the night and he had never been turned away.

Even as Youngbae watched Jiyong's relationship with his mother deteriorate over the years, he still had that respect for the woman who took him in. Needless to say, he owed Jiyong and Dongwook his life for saving him all those years ago, but he was always awed at the strong and protective woman that raised them. He remembered thinking  _if only my mom was half as strong as her, nothing bad would ever happen to me_.

But his mom wasn't strong and Jiyong's mother had become just a shell of her former self.

With that last bitter truth lingering in his mind, Youngbae turned on the water and stepped under the spray of the shower, body tensing for only a moment from the sting of fresh and old wounds.

 

* * *

He just wanted to give Youngbae a change of clothes. He didn't intend to see anything. 

Jiyong had long finished exchanging his wet clothing for a navy blue, long sleeved shirt and gray sweat pants and he figured Youngbae needed some clothes. A pair of sweatpants and one of his hoodies that was a hand me down from Dongwook, along with some undergarments and socks, were folded nicely in his arms. As he approached the bathroom, he heard the shower being shut off and the sound of a towel being pulled off its rack as Youngbae dried himself off.

The door was partially open and Youngbae had his back facing Jiyong. Through the crack of the door, he was only able to see a little, but it was enough.

He thinks he will remember that image for the rest of his life.

The myraid of black and blues that covered his back was enough for Jiyong to wish that Youngbae didn't turn around if only to save himself from seeing a more horrific image. Bruises old and new marked Youngbae's skin, like a terrible affliction that made you want to look away. It was the kind of injury that made you physically hurt the longer you stared at it because one could only imagine how painful it must of been to get those bruises, how painful it felt even now as Youngbae gingerly toweled a particularly fresh looking bruise on his shoulder as he dried off.

_It was my dad, okay?_

Jiyong dropped the clothes outside of the door after mumbling something about him not being in a hurry to shower and that Youngbae should take however long he needed. He barely caught Youngbae's concerned reply of, "Are you sure? I'm already done. Oh, and thanks for the clothes." He went back into his room, shut the door, and slid to the ground with his head in his hands thinking _I can't leave, I can never leave, not like this, not when Youngbae needs me._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_He should have told me!_  The anger of being kept in the dark was whirling in his mind, because Youngbae had been lying to him, his best friend, keeping him in the dark like he was some little kid, like he didn't deserve to know. It was worse, far worse than he had imagined. Why does everyone insist on lying to him? To protect him? Do they have such little faith in him that he can't handle the truth? Dongwook hyung, _that woman_ , and now even Youngbae.

Tears were also welling up in his eyes because a sudden realization hit him hard; even if he _had_ known about Youngbae and his father, what could he have done? 

When Jiyong saw a peek of a bruise, he thought Youngbae had been fighting. Even when Youngbae told him his father gave him that bruise, Jiyong was worried, yes, but somewhat relieved because it was only the one injury.

He had seen it in time. Youngbae was saved.

He remembers Youngbae's back and the bruises that marked his skin. 

This hadn't been the first time. 

_What could I have done?_

_I'm just a kid. Youngbae is just a kid! Even Dongwook hyung is barely an adult. Why are our lives like this?_

How could he let something so big escape his attention? He was supposed to be the best friend, he should have known.

He had let Youngbae down in the worst way possible. All this time while he was brooding over his mother, acting like an ass in school, worrying about himself, he should have looked at Youngbae.

Youngbae who had always been there for him, Jiyong should have been doing the same. But he hadnt and it took him up until now to realize the truth. While his life was falling apart, Youngbae's life had already fallen apart and he did nothing because he didn't know.

The crime of ignorance has already been done, so he had no choice but to plead guilty, ask for forgiveness, and..

And what?

_What do I do now?_

 

* * *

Youngbae walked into the living room after rapping on Jiyong's door, signaling that it was his turn to use the bathroom. He was tired, exhausted in every way possible. He wanted to talk to Jiyong, but he didn’t know if he had the energy to stay awake long enough for Jiyong to take a shower.

The couch looked especially inviting in that moment and so Youngbae took a seat, letting his body relax into the cushions as he waited. There was so much that he needed to say, so much that he wanted to say to Jiyong before he left.

 _Everything is going to be all right_ , he wanted to reassure him. _You and your family will be better off, since Dongwook hyung will have a better job. You’ll get a chance to start over, go to school and make new friends. Everything will be all right._

But will it be all right?

_Will **I** be all right?_

Youngbae could feel a chill come over him as he thought about the one thing he didn’t want to think about in that moment.

He crossed his arms and hugged himself tightly, digging his fingers into the fabric of Jiyong's hoodie that was a hand me down from Dongwook and buried himself into the slightly too big piece of clothing.

 _I'm okay,_ he thought to himself as he fought away thoughts about Jiyong's departure and being left behind. He wasn't going to say a word. He wasn't going to make a scene. He'll just be present to wave his farewells.

He will not be sad, because he knew this was good for Jiyong, maybe even good for himself. He will not be scared because he could handle himself. If he could handle Jiyong when Dongwook entrusted him in his care, then it would be a million times easier to take care of himself. He will be okay.

 _Everything will be all right_ , he thought as he imagined keeping a straight face and waving goodbye stiffly to Jiyong before he departed.

 _Everything will be all right_ , he thought as Jiyong disregarded the wave and pulled him into a hug instead, openly shedding tears as Youngbae began shedding tears of his own. Those imaginative tears were wetter than he thought as real splotches of tears trickled out from underneath his eyelids and down to his chin. 

 _Everything will be all right_ he thought over and over again, thinking that if he said it often enough then it had to be true.

It just has to be. 

 

* * *

When Jiyong finally came out of his room, he had finally come to a decision. He didn’t even bother to shower because he knew that if he didn’t speak with Youngbae right then and there, he wouldn’t have the courage to speak to him later.

His resolve disappeared the instant he saw that Youngbae had fallen asleep sitting on the couch, fingers tightly gripping the sleeve of Dongwook's hoodie.

Instead of saying what he wanted to say, Jiyong's expression softened as he gently uncurled Youngbae's fingers, the latter reacting only slightly by moving a bit as if to wake up, but ultimately settle back into his position, neck lolling to the side.

With something akin to a scoff of amusement, Jiyong took a seat next to Youngbae on the couch and slipped an arm around Youngbae's shoulders. He pulled his body towards him so that his head would fall onto his shoulders instead of hanging dangerously unsupported as it was previously. 

In his mind, he debated whether or not he was making the right decision as he took one of Youngbae's hands in his own and turned it over gently, inspecting it. He looked at the hand that was supposedly used to gain a reputation as the _sam jjang_ of the school. He remembered the gentleness of those hands when they were carefully applying make-up over his black eye. He imagined Youngbae holding his hands up defensively to protect himself, receiving the bruises that made others believe that he was a fighter, a delinquent.

A frown came over Jiyong’s features as he thought about the true cause behind those bruises.

He remembered Youngbae’s reaction, the tremble in his arm when he touched him, the fear in his voice with every whispered apology for something he should never have to apologize for and Jiyong’s resolve was renewed.

He knew what he needed to do. He had an idea, one that sounded foolish even in his mind, but the more he thought about it, the more appealing it sounded. He was going to help Youngbae.

There was one major obstacle to his plan, but Jiyong felt almost cocky in his confidence that he could overcome it.

He smiled to himself quietly and without thinking, Jiyong gently threaded his fingers with Youngbae’s. Youngbae’s sleeping form repositioned his head into a comfier position against Jiyong’s shoulder and remained asleep, unaware of Jiyong’s presence or actions.

“Everything will be all right,” he said to himself quietly as he allowed sleep to overcome him.

In a quiet house accompanied only by the pitter patter of the rain, two boys fell asleep praying that they could find the strength to be strong for each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the final time skip. A lot will have changed, and lots of questions will come up, but they won't all be answered at once.


	13. Not Too Late

Jiyong was the first to wake up, which never happens. As he opened his heavy eye lids, he could see the warm glow of the afternoon sun peeking through the curtains. The sun had decided to come out at last after chasing the horrendous storm away and drying up the rain. Two disheveled boys and a pile of discarded wet clothing were the only signs that it had rained at all that day. 

The weather had changed from one extreme to another in the span of a few hours and Jiyong felt that he has changed as well. Youngbae had found a new sleeping position on his side and Jiyong grinned at the peaceful expression his friend wore. For a moment, it felt like just any other day where they'd fall asleep while watching anime together or while doing last minute cramming for a test. 

The illusion lasted for a short moment before reality came knocking on his door quite literally. He almost wrote it off as a figment of his imagination until he heard the rattling of the door knob followed by three short knocks in succession. Quickly, Jiyong darted to the door and opened it, not wanting Youngbae's rest to be interrupted. Dongwook came stumbling through the door looking as if he had just came out of the shower and before he could do or say anything more, Jiyong clamped a hand over the older boy's mouth and motioned to the sleeping form on the couch with his free hand.

Afterwards, he brought a single finger up to his lips and waited for the older man to nod his understanding before pulling his hand away from Dongwook's mouth.

 _Youngbae_? Dongwook mouthed and Jiyong wondered if Dongwook was being serious because _of course_ it was Youngbae, who else would it be? Instead of voicing that thought, he pulled Dongwook past the living room, down the hallway, and into his bedroom where they could talk openly without disturbing the sleeping Youngbae. After making sure that his bedroom door was quietly shut behind them, Jiyong rummaged through a pile of laundry and threw Dongwook a towel to dry himself off with.

Jiyong sat on his bed in silence as he waited for Dongwook to dry his hair. He tried to recall the conversation with his hyung he had practiced in his mind before falling asleep, but he could only remember bits and pieces of what he wanted to say and it didn't even sound half as convincing as when he had practiced saying it to the imaginary Dongwook.

Before Jiyong could say a word, Dongwook had pulled him into a hug.

"I'm glad that you listened to my advice," Dongwook murmured into his shoulder and it took Jiyong a moment to process the sentence as he tried to figure out why he felt so weirded out, even though he shouldn't have felt that way. As Dongwook hugged him tightly, Jiyong realized that this was the first time he acknowledged Dongwook's presence and allowed himself to be touched by Dongwook ever since he had learned the truth. Admittedly, it felt nice to be held in such a comforting manner after all that has happened and he had missed Dongwook's embrace full of warmth and care. His hyung....Dongwook had always been an affectionate person so Jiyong distancing himself must have hurt the man deeply, even if he didn't outwardly express it.

However, the sting of betrayal still lurked within the depths of his mind and Jiyong abruptly pulled away from the hug. Dongwook seemed to have understood how he was feeling because the older man didn't seem too hurt or affected by his sudden withdrawal. He even smiled at Jiyong before taking a seat next to him on the bed and nodding towards the closed door in front of them.

"I'm glad you chose to say your goodbyes," Dongwook repeated, no doubt referring to the sleeping figure of Youngbae on the couch.

All Jiyong could do was nod his head as he tried to summon the right words to say.

Dongwook took a glance out at the window to see the setting sun before looking down at his wrist watch to confirm the time.

"It's getting late," he said. "It's about time to send Youngbae home, so-"

"He can't go!" Jiyong blurted. Just the mention of Youngbae's home had him panicking. 

Dongwook gave him a curious look.

"Jiyong, we're leaving tomorrow. He-."

"I can't leave tomorrow," Jiyong continued. "Not now, anyways..."

Silence. The smile Dongwook had been sporting had since turned into a frown and his eyes grew sad and sympathetic.

"Jiyong, what are you trying to say? I thought you understood our circumstances. I thought you were ready to accept the truth," Dongwook said quietly.

"Hyung," Jiyong began, noting that this was also the first time he had directly referred to Dongwook as 'hyung' in a long time. "We're taking Youngbae with us." 

It was not a request. It was a demand. 

The look in Dongwook's eyes was sad and sympathetic, but his words were firm.

"Jiyong, don't be ridiculous. We can't." 

"Why not?" Jiyong asked boldly.

This time, Dongwook stood up and Jiyong did as well. His throat was quickly becoming dry as panic seized his heart. If this doesn't work, he'll have to leave Youngbae behind. He can't do that, he won't.

"You know why not. He has family here," Dongwook continued as he made for the door. 

"He's a part of our family too!" Jiyong cried, desperation seeping into his tone as he grabbed Dongwook's arm and tried to pull him away from the door. However, Dongwook was older, stronger, and though he wasn't too forceful about it, he easily escaped Jiyong's hold.

"Jiyong, stop it. You're being childish," Dongwook whispered harshly, as if he suddenly remembered that Youngbae was sleeping only a few rooms away. "Our family is moving tomorrow morning whether you want to or not and Youngbae will stay here with his parents."

That was when his self restraint broke and Jiyong snapped. The frustration and helplessness he felt over Youngbae's situation and the pain from what felt like a betrayal by Dongwook who, before, had always on his side, exploded out of the carefully built dam he had created inside of him.

"You keep going on about families. His family, our family, family this, family that, when we don't even share the same _fucking_ blood-."

"Is that really what you think?" Dongwook snapped, interrupting Jiyong's tirade before he even had a chance to really begin. "You think because we don't share the same _blood_ we aren't family? That I don't love you?" 

Jiyong just stared at his hyung, eyes widening in shock as he detected a few tears in Dongwook's eyes that were threatening to spill over. Dongwook rarely cried and the fact that he was doing so now meant that he was beyond hurt by Jiyong's words.

"You said it yourself; Youngbae is a part of our family. Does he share any of your blood or mine for that matter? Don't be a hypocrite."

Dongwook placed a hand on both of his shoulders and stared into his eyes as he continued in a softer voice.

"I know it's hard for you, hard for Youngbae, but do you think it's easy for _me_? I've watched you two grow up together. I love Youngbae just as much as I love you, so don't you even _dare_ imply that this is easy for me, because it's not and it never will be. This is all just a part of growing up. Sometimes, we just have to go our separate ways."

There was a lot that Jiyong had to learn about life yet, about being an adult and learning to live and let go, but he knew, he knew that he couldn't leave Youngbae like this. He can't give up on him; he can never let go. He fell to his knees in front of Dongwook and startled Dongwook when he began to cry in earnest.

"Hyung, what do I _do_?" he blubbered. He was just fifteen for God's sake. He couldn't blame Dongwook and he couldn't help Youngbae; he was stuck. He thought that everything could be solved, but he should have known his life could never be that easy. He told Dongwook everything, starting from the day at the beach and recounting every moment up until the present. Jiyong didn't even know if he was making much sense as he tried to speak while repressing his tears simultaneously. He kept his voice low and watched the range of emotion change on Dongwook's face as he learned why Jiyong was reluctant to leave. The older man's expression changed from worry filled to shocked, incensed and then sympathetic until ultimately there was a blankly grim expression that had settled onto his face. His young and handsome features became hardened in a way that could only be a result of growing up before his time.

"Jiyong, get in your bed and stay in your room. I need to speak to Youngbae by myself," Dongwook whispered, ushering Jiyong to his feet and using the pads of his thumb to wipe away the younger's tears in a comforting manner.

There was a serious tone in Dongwook's voice that Jiyong dare not disobey and so he nodded slightly as his hyung watched him sit on top of his covers before collapsing onto the mattress.

Dongwook quietly opened the door and stepped out of the room, shutting the door quickly and quietly behind him. In the hallway, he leaned against Jiyong's bedroom door as he released a heavy sigh. Down the hall he could see Youngbae's sleeping figure on the couch, a mass of black fabric underneath a hoodie that he recognized as his own. He swallowed the ball of emotion that had built up in his throat and took a few deep breaths to stabilize himself.

Dongwook often thought about the inequalities of life. He thoughts often revolved around the loss of his father, the state that his mother had fallen into, and himself, when he was younger. It was only natural, right? He suddenly found himself at the threshold of adulthood when all he wanted to do was go to dance practice with his friends, spend afternoons singing in the karaoke bar instead of putting in hours for work, and be a good big brother to not only Jiyong, but Youngbae as well because he was just as much a part of his life as Jiyongie was.

There was a heaviness in his chest that he couldn't shake away. He had done things and took matters into his own hands so that Jiyong didn't have to worry about anything other than being a kid with Youngbae. He shouldn't have to deal with such problems, Youngbae shouldn't have to endure such an ordeal; they both deserved something better.

Perhaps it was too late to save his own childhood, but maybe he could still do something about Jiyong and Youngbae's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to get a chapter out forever! For those who are looking forward to Todae, their chapter debut is nearing. In the next chapter, Dongwook makes a decision that will leave lingering consequences later on in the story. Also, I will be going through and editing the story to fix any notable spelling/grammar issues (and there's a lot. I cringe when I reread some old chapters).


	14. Time Has Passed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong contemplates the parts of his life that are different and the parts that remain the same. Youngbae wants a haircut.

In another life, Jiyong would have laughed at the thought of doing manual labor under the blazing sun. Dongwook had always told him that a part of him was born with "Chaebol Son" syndrome; he's the type to thrive by putting in the type of hard work that didn't involve heavy lifting or prolonged stamina. Maybe he was fit for some sort of cushy office job in the city or something like that, but to be honest, Jiyong had never put much thought into his future. Even so, he had never imagined that he would one day be harvesting rows and rows of sorghum by hand under the midday sun, but here he was doing precisely that. He had only been working for half an hour, but sweat had already drenched through his shirt and his hair was plastered to his face from the sheen of perspiration on his forehead. 

The first time he did this, he had no knowledge of the concept of harvesting plants, save for a few memories of picking blueberries with Dongwook from their neighbor's house as a child. The weight of a sickle in his hand was a foreign and unfamiliar feeling and even though common knowledge told him that it was a tool made for cutting, it was obvious that he couldn't use it like a kitchen knife or a pair of scissors. When he's holding the sickle and looking at it's curved blade, he always conjured up images of Johnny Depp and pirates with hooks for hands like in an old cartoon or something. To think that he would enter such a different world just by taking an hour bus ride eastward amazed him. 

Dongwook brought him out to a tiny little village in the middle of Inje county, not too far from the famous Sokcho Beach, with little fuss or commotion. They simply got on a bus and left, carrying only whatever they could fit in a few duffel bags and in their backpacks; the essentials. Although he had never lived in a big city like Seoul, Incheon, or Busan, Jiyong had always considered himself a city boy. The city in which he grew up in was considered a suburb of Seoul, an in between of city life and rural life that gave him the perks of city life while making him at east with nature at the same time. 

He always considered his hometown small with a population in the low thousands, but he didn't know what "small" really meant until he moved to Inje. The village he lives in now had only a few hundred residents, most of whom were elderly farm owners. There were a few young children and about a handful of teenagers Jiyong's age. The place was big enough to house a small primary school, but older children had to make a commute by bus to attend secondary school in another town.

Jiyong paused for a minute to wipe the sweat off his brow and glanced down at his wrist watch again. Forty-five minutes and he had yet to take a break. For a minute, he thought about whether or not he wanted to take time to celebrate how much his stamina has improved compared to the first time he set out to work in the fields, but considering how hot it was at the moment and how heavy the sickle was feeling in his hand, he decided that he was better off with taking a short break. With a reassuring nod to himself and a silent vow to aim for an hour of continuous work next time, Jiyong cracked his back and stretched his aching muscles that were sore from doing the same repetitive motions for long periods of time. He dragged himself out of the field, up and over a hill and found a nice and shady tree to lie down under. He let out a tired sigh of relief the moment he fell into the shade and away from the burning heat of the sun. He wished he could have waited until the afternoon to harvest the sorghum, but Dongwook had one of his rare evenings off and that meant it was only a matter of time before he went away again and Jiyong wanted to be there to see him off. 

The grass pricked at the skin on his neck as he looked up at the branches of the tree, staring through the boughs and leaves, not really looking at anything as he let his mind wander. Sometimes, Jiyong found himself thinking about the past. He thought about the life he had and all the things he left behind. He thought about how he was so much better off now that he was away from that place, away from a mother that wasn't his, memories that were too painful to remember, and the broken home of a best friend that deserved so much better. His mind didn't linger on the topic for too long for a moment later, he heard the sound of someone calling out his name, reminding him of all that he should feel thankful for. 

Bounding up the hill with a pleasant smile on his face was non other than Dong Youngbae, draw string backpack thrown over his right shoulder and his left arm waving in greeting. 

Jiyong smirked back and gave him a small wave of his own as Youngbae's head bobbed over the horizon, followed by the rest of his body as he finally scaled the hillside and made his way over to the tree where Jiyong was laying under. Jiyong couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Youngbae's hair being tied in a short bun, bouncing merrily as he walked over the hill before settling himself next to Jiyong. It felt like a century ago when he was chasing Youngbae down in the rain and his hair was in tightly braided rows on his scalp. After arriving in Inje, Youngbae let loose his hair from the tight cornrows. A few weeks later after having to deal with a curly bird's nest, his hair started straightening out again, like magic, until the shoulder length strands were long enough to be tied in place by a band. 

"Shut up," Youngbae said half heartedly as he playfully punched Jiyong in the arm. He was able to pick up instantly what Jiyong was thinking, even though his friend didn't say a word. 

Jiyong feigned injury as he pulled the arm Youngbae had hit close to his chest, but he couldn't keep the smile off of his face and Youngbae knew that he didn't even hit him that hard. 

"You looked like a cute little three year old with your eye smile and bouncing bun head-- I'm serious!" Jiyong laughed some more at Youngbae's expense as the skin on the back of his best friend's neck flushed red and that redness started to spread slowly throughout his face. He couldn't believe how easy the laughter came out of him now these days and he had this little village in Inje to thank for it. 

Because this little village gave him the gift of anonymity, gave him the opprotunity to start his life anew, and allowed him to be with everyone that truly mattered in his life. 

When Youngbae turned to face him, his embarrased face beaming shyly under Jiyong's gaze, Kwon Jiyong knew that all of the manual labor was worth it; if he was able to see Youngbae like this, safe, happy, and most importantly, by his side, it was all worth it. 

"Let's go home, Youngbae-ah." 

"Let's." 

* * *

Youngbae helped him carry the bundles of freshly cut Sorghum to Mrs. Kim, who lived down the road. By the time they arrived in the one-roomed dwelling that was their home, the smell of samgyeopsal cooking on the grill could be smelled through the open front door where they could see Dongwook dutifully setting the table. The sight of fresh perilla leaves, lettuce, and the deep red color of the ssamjang dipping sauce had both boys drooling. 

With Dongwook's back turned towards the grill, Jiyong procured a pair of chopsticks and quickly aimed for a slice of grilled meat. Faster than he thought was humanly possible, Dongwook turned around and wordlessly slapped the chopsticks out of his hand with a light tap of a spoon. Jiyong quickly brought the injured hand close to his chest and nursed it quietly while staring daggers at Youngbae, who laughed at him from afar. 

Dongwook didn't say a word, but Jiyong knew that he had a smirk on his face and was laughing along with Youngbae, silently. 

Dinner came and went with Youngbae earning a flick to the head for not waiting for Dongwook to seat himself before helping himself to a nice lettuce wrap. Jiyong would have been lying if he said that it wasn't extremely satisfying to see Youngbae getting punished as well. _Serves him right_ , he thought gleefully as he helped clean out the room while Youngbae and Dongwook prepared the bedding. 

Once the bedding was rolled out and they all went through their nightly routine, the three boys settled down into their sleeping positions and engaged in their nightly discussion before bed, as per usual. Jiyong must have been more tired than usual because he completely tuned out of the conversation until Dongwook's excited voice broke through his haze and his mind registered a quiet "thank you" from Youngbae. 

"Wait, what?" he interjected, turned onto his side so that he could face Youngbae, who was already turned on his side and facing him. 

"Tomorrow morning, I asked for Dongwook hyung to cut my hair," Youngbae replied quietly and for a moment, Jiyong's stomach lurched as his joke about Youngbae's hair that he made that afternoon came to mind again. _No way...Did Youngbae really take offense to my joke?_ Jiyong wondered. Before he could get a word out, Youngbae had kicked him gently with his foot. Like always, he seemed to have read Jiyong's mind without Jiyong noticing.

"Not because of _that_ , you pabo. I've been meaning to get a hair cut for awhile now." 

Jiyong stared at Youngbae's face thoughtfully, as he tried to imagine Youngbae with shorter hair and a different hairstyle.

"Why now?" he asked curiously as Dongwook reached over to turn off the lamp, allowing the darkness to engulf the room completely. Even in the dark, Jiyong had a clear image of Youngbae's face in his mind and could vividly imagine the soft, almost wistful expression that was on his face as he continued. 

"I just wanted to start over again," Youngbae said slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. "It's like a...a blank page. To mark the beginning of my new life."

There was a moment of silence as Jiyong allowed Youngbae's words to sink in. Then, as if no time had passed at all, Jiyong declared, "I'm going to shave my head," which earned a snort from Dongwook and a scoff from Youngbae. 

"Always over dramatic, as usual," Youngbae sighed and Jiyong could have sworn he could actually hear Youngbae's eyes rolling from that statement. 

"You know it," Jiyong replied cheekily, earning an annoyed elbow jab from Youngbae, which turned into a wrestling match in the middle of the room. 

"Okay, g'night, baldies," Dongwook yawned, drowning out the protests and exclamations from his dongsengs about what tomorrow might bring. Even though his body was at ease, Dongwook's heart was thumping uncomfortably in his chest. Long after the boys fell asleep, Dongwook remained wide awake, eyes staring unseeingly through the darkness of the room as he tried to dispel the lingering feeling of dread that had been bothering him non-stop ever since he essentially kidnapped Youngbae from their home town. Even though Youngbae was safe and the image of Jiyong and Youngbae's smiling faces dominated his subconscious, it all still boiled down to one thing; everything in life comes with a price and Dongwook fears that they didn't pay dearly enough for this happiness.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! If things are vague, don't fret; it was done on purpose, lol. There's still a lot to learn about the circumstances that lead to GDYBSe7en's move to Inje and the life that they lived there. I hope you all enjoy the update. Comments would be greatly appreciated!


	15. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongwook gives Youngbae a haircut and Youngbae let's go of the past. Cheeky Jiyong gets hit in the arm.

In the darkness before dawn, Dongwook was coaxed out of his slumber by a soft whisper. At first, he thought he was just hearing things — he had always been a light sleeper after all — but just as he was about to dismiss it as his imagination and try to squeeze a few more hours of sleep before morning came, he heard it again. It sounded like a faint cry or a muffled whimper and all thoughts of sleep were abandoned. Alarmed, he turned to his side and reflexively reached out to where Jiyong was sleeping in between him and Youngbae. He grasped his shoulder gently.

"Jiyong," Dongwook whispered urgently, trying to wake his brother up in the least alarming way possible by shaking his shoulder slightly and calling his name. Nightmares weren't a surprising or unusual occurrence, though it has been years since Dongwook had to physically shake Jiyong out of one. "Jiyong," he said again and from the other side of Jiyong, Youngbae stirred. Movement from both sides of him finally jostled Jiyong awake and Dongwook ceased his shaking.

“Hyung,” Jiyong answered groggily from the darkness, his voice bordering the line between exasperation and whining. "What are you _doing_?" 

"Sorry," Dongwook replied gently. "You were having a nightmare."

"Mmh," Jiyong grumbled as he turned over to face a sleeping Youngbae again. "Wasn't." That last word was but a sleepy whisper as the room fell back into silence. Dongwook settled back into his pillow, ears strained for any more signs of distress and after a good block of time had passed with no further incidence, he allowed himself to relax again. From there, Dongwook was left staring up at the dark ceiling and trying to slow down his whirring thoughts.

It troubled him that Jiyong was having nightmares again after so long. 

He remembers waking up in the middle of the night at ten years old to see his father consoling a wailing Jiyong by walking and bouncing around in the living room. Three year old Jiyong had his face buried in their father's chest and after a long while of shushing and gentle back rubs, the toddler fell asleep. That was when his father finally took notice of him. 

"Dongwook-ah, what are you doing awake?" he whispered and Dongwook motioned to the sleeping Jiyong.

"Why was he crying?" Dongwook asked quietly, always wanting to know what made Jiyong upset and doing his best to make sure it doesn't happen again. His mother told him that happy babies grow up better and faster and he desperately wanted Jiyong to grow up some more so that he could teach him how to dribble a basketball and other fun things.

"He probably had a little nightmare, like the time you dreamt of the monster in the basement coming to get you," his father explained and Dongwook shivered because although he wasn't _really_ scared of it anymore, he was pretty sure that there was still a furry monster in the basement; he just didn't want Jiyong to find it and be scared of it too.

It was a little lonely as an only child and even though his parents tried their best to spend time with him, he knew that they couldn't possibly entertain him at all times of the day, especially since his father got promoted and had an entirely new work schedule. It didn't seem to matter as much when he was younger and his mother took a break from her career to raise him as a stay-at-home mom. When he was old enough to start school, she had started working again and Dongwook began longing for a younger sibling like that ones that many of his school friends had. A cute, little sibling that he could play with, talk with, and maybe even boss around a little when he got older. 

When he asked his parents for a little sibling, his mother flashed a smile at him and they all sat down and had a talk about how Eomma couldn't have babies of her own and the long process it took for them to adopt him. They talked about how they were already thinking about another adoption and that if things went well, he would have a little brother or sister in the next year or so. He remembers his father adamently telling him that no matter what happens, he was and always will be their son and that they will always love him. Dongwook remembers taking it all in calmly because he _knew_ his parents loved him, so why should he worry about anything else? 

A year later, they welcomed Jiyong into their home and after that incident when he was three, Dongwook never woke up because of Jiyong having a nightmare again. 

Not until their father passed, that is. Those first few hellish years without him were especially hard for Jiyong and there wasn't a night that he didn't have a nightmare. It all came to a stop near the end of Jiyong's primary school years. But it's suppose to be different now; things were suppose to get better, not worse. 

_It will get better,_ Dongwook thought to himself as he closed his eyes, though he knew he would not be getting any more sleep that night.  _It has to._

* * *

Youngbae was sitting out in the front yard, black locks spilling past his shoulders, no longer tightly bound in twists or knots, no longer tied up in the loose bun that he (and sometimes even Jiyong or Dongwook) often sported when he went to bed. He sat upon a folding metal chair, leg bouncing out of nervousness as he waited for Dongwook to return. The older boy had gone to Mrs. Kim to borrow her husband's electric shaver for the occasion. Youngbae had really wished that Jiyong was around so that he would have something to distract him from the inevitable, but the boy was still deep in slumber, as he nearly always was until at least ten in the morning. Youngbae's heart was beating loudly in his chest as a morning breeze blew a few locks of his hair into his face. It has been nearly six years since he had last cut his hair. Jiyong was a slave to his own whim; his mind changes as often as his style does, but when he find something he particularly likes, he devotes all of his time and energy into doing it. Youngbae, on the other hand, was indecisive, but consistent. Once he finally got around to forming an opinion on something, he sticks with it, almost stubbornly so. He decided as a ten year old to grow his hair out. Of course, he often got in trouble for breaking the dress code as a kid, but the teachers were less strict since nearly everyone had long hair at the time, so he wasn't forced to cut it. Even as the fashion trend was fading, Youngbae still felt an attachment to his long locks.

But that was then, a memory of the distant past. It was before Sokcho beach, before moving to Inje. Back when Jiyong's bed was the only safe sanctuary that he could think of when he was alone and scared, when his mother would find reason to leave the house for hours at a time, which only made his father angrier. Now, the long locks were only a reminder of things that he didn't want to remember, a life that could hardly be called a life now that Jiyong and Dongwook had given him so much to live for. 

As if called by his thoughts, Dongwook appeared with a little tin box in his hand. The older boy flashed Youngbae a smile that he was happy to return. Along with the electric shaver, Mrs. Kim had given Dongwook a pair of scissors to use to cut Youngbae's hair down to a length that the electric razor could easily shear off and a cape to tie around Youngbae's shoulders to keep his clothes hair free. 

"Are you ready?" Dongwook asked and Youngbae simply nodded. 

"How much do you want to cut off?" 

Without any hesitation, Youngbae replied, "All of it." 

With a brief reassuring grasp on his shoulder from Dongwook, Youngbae closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the scissors snipping the weight of his past away. 

* * *

Every once in awhile, Dongwook would spare a glance through the window of their little shack to see if Jiyong had roused himself from his slumber. When he saw the faint outlines of a lump underneath a crumpled comforter, he would turn back to the task at hand and continue snipping off large chunks of  Youngbae's hair. 

He didn't question the young man as to why he had decided that now was the best time to have a new hairstyle. To be honest, Dongwook didn't want or need an explanation from Youngbae; he just knew that Youngbae asks for so little that he wanted to do everything in his power to fulfill any request that Youngbae actually makes. They talked about inconsequential matters as Dongwook used the scissors to cut off the long locks down into a more manageable length for the electric shaver. Dongwook was listening to Youngbae complain about shoveling manure for Mr. Yoon across town, which was by far his least favorite task to do, when he snipped off a chunk of hair by Youngbae's temple and saw it. 

He paused for a fraction of a second when he saw the faint outline of a jagged, faded scar. In the right lighting and if one knew where to look, you could clearly see the raised lines of a scar that started from just behind Youngbae's right earlobe and ended at the base of his neck. When Dongwook switched from scissors to using the electric shaver, the scar was even more prominent as the hairs that often obscured it from view was cut away. 

In the days immediately following their move to Inje, Dongwook had insisted that he bring in Youngbae to see a doctor. He had also insisted that Jiyong's presence wouldn't be required during the examination and though he put up a fit about it, Jiyong eventually relented when Youngbae agreed. So, it had been just him and Youngbae that walked into a small, somewhat down trodden building in the middle of a village they didn't know much about. There was fear, of course, fear that the doctor would ask too many questions, fear that some sort of government agency would be called because Youngbae was still a minor yet. But country doctors were a bit different than the city ones. They don't inquire much about patients, especially in a small town where secrets were rampant. 

Dongwook saw the bruises and felt the same despair and anger that Jiyong must have felt when he first learned of the truth. That someone would even dare lay a hand on _their_ Youngbae made his blood boil, even more so when that person was suppose to be someone who should have loved and protected him. School bullies, they had explained when the doctor asked about those injuries. The elderly man simply nodded his head and wrote down a few things on a notepad. When the doctor told Youngbae he could put his shirt back on and asked if there were any more injuries that he was worried about, Youngbae turned to show him the end of the scar behind his ear. 

"Someone tried to forcibly give me a haircut," Youngbae had explained while sending a look in Dongwook's direction. "But I resisted and ended up getting cut by the scissors. It bleed a lot, but all head wounds do, right?" 

That was when Dongwook felt his mouth go dry. 

Before Inje, before he even brought the boys out to Sokcho beach, he remembered. He remembered having not seen Youngbae for a long while when one morning, he woke up to see Youngbae wandering out of Jiyong's room with a chunk of hair missing from the back of his head. Dongwook had laughed at the time.  _"Did you try to give yourself a haircut? Were you embarrassed, was that why we haven't seen you in so long?"_ he remembers asking. Youngbae had been all smiles, too smily, he realized belatedly, but he never did explain what happened and Dongwook had forgotten about it shortly afterwards. 

Dongwook had never hated himself more than in that moment.  _Why didn't I ask about it before? How could I just forget about it?_ _Why didn't I see the signs?_

Even now, seeing the scar for the second time, that memory still brought tears into his eyes. 

When he realized that he had went a long while without talking, he mustered enough strength to keep his voice from wavering and started speaking again.

"Youngbae."

"Ne, hyung?"

"Do you like it here?"

"What's there not to like? I have a place to eat and sleep essentially for free and I only have to shovel manure every other day," Youngbae joked.

They laughed a bit, but it felt a little forced on Dongwook's part. He finished up shaving the last bits of Youngbae's hair and turned the shaver off. Feeling the tense silence that suddenly fell between them, Youngbae turned to look at Dongwook.

"Hyung, is there something wrong?"

The older boy gently directed Youngbae so that he was facing forward again and Dongwook started to brush the stray hairs that clung onto Youngbae's scalp.

"Be honest with me, Youngbae," he says quietly. "For bringing you here with us...for not knowing about your father...Do you hate me?"

There was a long stretch of silence as Youngbae carefully considered his answer. 

"How could I?" he finally answered, voice just as quiet as Dongwook's. "Ever since I was five years old, the two of you have been the only family I have ever known."

Dongwook couldn't speak. How could he explain to Youngbae that he was far too young to understand just how badly he had messed up?

That you couldn't just take a child away from their home like that, even if the person meant well. There were a load of alternative options that he could have taken, but didn't. He could have made a police report, tell someone from the school or he could have even contacted social services in regards to a suspected case of child abuse and let a social worker take it from there. At any rate, he should have handed the situation over to an actual adult that knew what they were doing and could have properly helped Youngbae.

In the end, he was just being selfish. For his sake, he relented to Jiyong's pleas because he couldn't bear the thought of losing Youngbae to an orphanage. He didn't want to live with the guilt that he left Youngbae behind.

Youngbae didn't say anything when he heard Dongwook draw a shuddering breath and then felt a few droplets of something hitting the skin on the back of his neck. He didn't turn around to look at Dongwook, not even when the older boy grabbed his shoulder and started clenching the fabric of his T-shirt tightly. Instead, Youngbae just placed his hands on top of Dongwook's clenched fists and pretended that those weren't tears that he was feeling dripping down his neck. 

After awhile, when the shuddering stopped, Youngbae only said two words.

"Thank you."

Dongwook had to look away to keep the tears from coming back again. 

* * *

It was nearing ten when Jiyong finally stepped out of the front door in a pair of shorts and a tank top. By then, Dongwook had returned the items he borrowed from their neighbor and Youngbae had cleaned himself up so that his clothes were free of hair. Youngbae was just looking over his short, shaven hair when he noticed Jiyong standing by the door. 

Dongwook watched as a flicker of confusion flashed across Jiyong's face as he stared at the strange, short haired boy until it finally dawned on him that it wasn't a stranger, but _Youngbae_ who was staring at him meekly from across the yard. 

"Well, how does it look?" Youngbae asked, subconsciously running his hand over the scar that was so much easier to see now that his hair was so short. Without any sort of explanation, Jiyong abruptly turned around and rushed into the house. He returned a few moments later clutching something in his arms and darted across the lawn to where Youngbae was. 

"You look like a mix between Eminem, slim-shady era and a new born baby," Jiyong said as he pulled out a black beanie and promptly pulled it over Youngbae's head. To answer Dongwook and Youngbae's bewildered looks, he simply rolled his eyes.

"To keep your head from getting cold, obviously" he said by way of explanation. 

The crinkle of Youngbae's eyes into his signature eye smile was _definitely_ worth the swat in the arm he received, Jiyong thought. He felt that even more so when a snort of laughter escaped from Dongwook and he and Youngbae burst into laughter as a result. 

_Well worth a punch in the arm,_ Jiyong decided as he listened to the echoing laughter of his family being carried away by the wind.

 


	16. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong had a secret.

The sun was setting and the moon was rising as darkness quickly washed over the land, bringing along the nighttime ambiance of crickets chirping their evening song. Jiyong stood nervously at one of the only bus stops in town, letting his hoodie hang low over his head as he tried not to attract attention to himself. He nervously checked his wrist, which was adorned with a new black leather watch with a silver face that had only seen the light of day twice in the short time that he has owned it. He still found it odd to have the piece of jewelry on his wrist, the weight unfamiliar and slightly bothersome despite the lightness of the watch itself. 

Jiyong had never been accustomed to wearing jewelry before, other than the earrings that he wore from day to day. He didn't want to risk damaging it or losing it when he's out working, so he never wore it during the day. He also never wore it when he was at home, always reminding himself to pocket the watch before he got anywhere near the house, lest Youngbae or Dongwook hyung were to see it. How would he explain how he had come to acquire such an expensive looking watch without giving away how he actually got it? 

Despite everything that has happened because of them, Jiyong had a secret. 

It was a secret that he kept from both Dongwook hyung and Youngbae, most everyone really. The guilt he felt was immense, but he rationalized everything by reminding himself that Dongwook and Youngbae had both kept secrets from him as well. Dongwook hyung about their initial move to Seoul, Youngbae and his dad. Even though it was petty of him to think in such a way, compared to the secrets that they have kept from him, Jiyong felt that him keeping one measly little secret wasn't going to hurt anyone.

The sound of running water from the small brook besides the bus stop along with the rustling of the tall grass that grew along its banks only served to make Jiyong even more paranoid. Suddenly, a cloud of gnats rose from the banks of the brook, forcing Jiyong to wave his hand around his face to deter the gnats from biting him.

Ugh, I hate summer, Jiyong thought as the annoying bugs refused to leave, forcing him to wave his arms in wide sweeping motions around him. While he was turning around in circles and swatting at the air like an idiot, a pair of arms encircled his waist. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the bus door close and started on its way to its next destination. 

"Boo," a voice whispered into his ear.

Immediately, he felt his heart racing in his chest and a smile forming on his lips as the playful voice spoke his name.

"Kwon Jiyong."

"Son Da Young," he answered with a grin.

He turned around to see his little secret sticking her tongue out at him as she held out her book bag for him to carry. Jiyong dutifully relieved her of both the backpack she was wearing and the textbook that she was carrying in her arms. After handing him her things, Da Young automatically sidled up next to Jiyong and laced their fingers together. They started walking in the direction of Mrs. Yoon's house, Da Young's grandmother.

"You're late," Jiyong said. It was already 8:20.

"I'm sorry. I had to talk to the teacher for a bit," Da Young explained, squeezing his hand a little in apology.

"I didn't hear you get off the bus," Jiyong continued casually. 

Da Young smiled at him and lazily began swinging their conjoined hands as she answered his implied question.

"That's because you were too busy dancing like an idiot out in the middle of the street." 

Despite himself, Jiyong blushed and the sound of Da Young's laughter filled his ears and made his smile impossibly bigger.

He wasn't sure how it all came about, but it all started around a month and a half ago. Mrs. Kim, the elderly woman whom he helped harvest sorghum for, recommended him to Da Young's grandmother as she called upon Jiyong less and less. Mrs. Yoon had an immense garden that she liked to keep immaculate and it was working in said garden that Jiyong would see a long haired girl peeking out at him from the window. It had become a game of sorts those first few afternoons that he worked in Mrs. Yoon's garden. He would try to keep track of how many times he caught a glimpse of a curtain being pulled shut suddenly or a black head peeking out around the corner of the house.

One day, the windows were open and he heard the most beautiful melody coming from within. Curiously, he went over to the window and peeked inside to see a long haired girl with her hands poised over the keys of a baby grand piano. There was something about that moment when Da Young was busy playing away, the way her lips curled into a smile when she played through an especially difficult portion, the way the sunlight hit her face at just the right angle. He noticed her button nose, full lips, and long eyelashes. Jiyong thought that in that moment, she was beautiful, angelic like, ethereal. Every day following that incident, he would keep an ear out for the tell tale sounds of a musical scale being played. She always warmed up by doing scales, Jiyong had come to realize. After a few scales, she would proceed to go through a few songs and Jiyong couldn't help but be in the portion of the garden closest to the window and listened as he worked. One day, the sound of the piano stopped abruptly and he grew worried. He made his way over to the window and looked through. Da Young was sitting on the bench with a pen in hand, writing on the music sheets of the song she had just played. It finally dawned on him that Da Young not only played the piano, but she composed her own pieces as well. He watched her in amazement, not realizing how long he had been staring at her through the window until he heard Mrs. Yoon call out to her. 

"Da Young-ah! Can you come here for a moment?" 

Jiyong was startled because Da Young suddenly got up and they caught sight of each other.

She paused for a fraction of a second before offering him a subtle smile while calling out to her grandmother at the same time. 

"Yes, halmeoni. I'm coming." 

After that, she never tried to hide from him anymore. Sometimes, she blatantly stood at the window and stared at him as he worked while he did his best to ignore her. Unlike the initial image of the shy and docile girl that he thought she was, Da Young was bold and brave. The next day, while her grandmother was in the house, she approached him and asked for his name. He told her it was Kwon Jiyong, his birth name that he had taken to ever since Dongwook had told him that his true surname had been Kwon and Dongwook's had been Choi. The day after that, she declared that she found him handsome. He told her she was pretty. Finally, she said that with the way things were going, they might as well be boyfriend and girlfriend. Jiyong agreed.

It has been a month since their coupling and Da Young has been thinking that they should make their relationship known. 

"I've been wanting to tell my grandmother for forever. I feel like she knows that something about me is different," Da Young told him one day. 

Jiyong was still reluctant. 

"I'm still working for your grandmother, everyone knows that. Sometimes, I'm at the house while your grandmother is gone. A young man and a young woman are left for hours at a time without an adult present...A month later, they announce that they are in a relationship....," Jiyong trailed, hoping that Da Young would understand the implications. 

"That's ridiculous! You're always out in the field and I'm almost always in the house practicing the piano. Nobody would ever think that," Da Young exclaimed, a light blush tainting her cheeks. 

"We live in a small village where most of the occupants are sixty years old or older. Old people will think what they want to think," Jiyong reminded.

Because of that, the two had decided to hold off telling anyone. Their relationship was a secret, but that didn't mean they couldn't find ways to see each other without alerting anyone else to their status. Today was an example of a recently thought up method they had found. Dayoung attended a summer hagwon the next town over. Tuesday through Saturday she would board a bus around noon, attend class, and then ride the bus back where Jiyong would wait for her behind the bus stop around eight P.M. He would escort her home, bid her farewell at her doorstep, and get home before Dongwook or Youngbae had a chance to worry.

"I'm helping Mrs. Yoon with the yard work," Jiyong had explained to Dongwook when he first noticed the change in Jiyong's schedule. It was the truth, just not the whole truth. From twelve to two Jiyong would harvest sorghum for Mrs. Kim. From three to seven, he would tend to Mrs. Yoon's garden, which often included quite a bit of yard work. He does everything from weeding, tilling the soil, planting, and fertilizing, to simply watering and deadheading the blooms along with mowing the lawn, trimming the shrubs, and so on. Most days, he could manage to draw out the tasks until seven thirty, making it so that he would only have to wait half an hour at the bus stop for his girlfriend's return. 

Girlfriend. The fact still amazed him from time to time, even though Da Young was not Jiyong's first girlfriend and Jiyong wasn't Da Young's first boyfriend either. 

And to think it's all thanks to school being let out for the summer, Jiyong thought gratefully. Yet another reason to love summer break.

Mid July was officially the beginning of summer break for most Korean schools and as such, Mrs. Kim's children and grandchildren would come to stay with her, drastically reducing the need for Jiyong to help out with the fields. She had been worried about his cut hours for Jiyong used to work for her all afternoon. That was what prompted her to recommend Jiyong to Mrs. Yoon as mid July approached. If that hadn't happened, he wouldn't be holding Da Young's hand right now. 

As Jiyong and Da Young approached Mrs. Yoon's home, they walked past a little pond that the brook emptied into. He was suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia.

If we hadn't moved to Inje, Youngbae and I would have been skipping rocks over the pond, Jiyong lamented. It was a tradition of sorts that on the last day school, Youngbae and Jiyong would go to the local park and skip stones in the man made pond. They met at the pond frequently, for it was where they would map out their summer plans together and sometimes talk about any outstanding memories from during the school year. More than once, one or both of them had ended up in the pond in retaliation due to someone bringing up a rather embarrassing memory. Other times, they made a game of trying to push each other in, which was especially fun on the particularly hot days. Jiyong suddenly reminded that their home town held both bad and good memories for the two of them and he unknowingly smiled upon realizing that the majority of the good memories he had of his home town always featured Youngbae in them.

"What are you thinking of?" Da Young asked upon noticing Jiyong's face light up a second time.

Jiyong just shook his head slightly.

"Nothing," he answered as he rubbed his thumbs against her hand. 

They had finally reached Mrs. Yoon's back door.

Jiyong handed Da Young all of her things and unlike the first few times, there was no hesitation in either of them when Jiyong leaned down to capture her lips with his own. Da Young, bold as ever, flicked her tongue against his teeth and opened her mouth in invitation. Jiyong, ever the gentlemen, accepted her invitation and thoroughly explored her mouth with his tongue. He pulled her closer to him by the hips, deepening their kiss by doing so. 

Suddenly remembering the time, Jiyong gently pulled away, to Da Young's slight annoyance. He checked his watch, which had been her thirty day anniversary gift to him. His hand made bracelet paled in comparison to her gift, since he didn't have the money to buy her a more suiting gift. 

"Don't fret. I'm a trust fund baby," Da Young reminded as she proudly put the bracelet on her wrist. 

Even now, she was wearing the orange and yellow thread bracelet that he spent hours following the instructions from a craft book to make. 

Jiyong saw the time and almost swore. 

It was nearing nine-o-clock. 

"I'll see you next Tuesday," Jiyong whispered as he leant over to hug Da Young. 

"Tuesday," she repeated and the two parted ways. 

Jiyong practically sprinted home. By the time he neared the shack, it was nearing 9:30 when he checked his watch. That time, he really did swear. 

The next day was a Sunday, so Youngbae was probably asleep. The eccentric Mr. Gu was adamant that the best time to catch freshwater lampreys was before sunrise, around 4AM. He was paying Youngbae a sizeable amount of money to help him fish for lampreys. Dongwook had the rare Sunday off, so he was bound to be awake and waiting for him. 

Jiyong slowed to a walk as he approached the front door, out of breath and scrambling for a believable excuse. He saw something upon further inspection of the door. A small sticky note with Dongwook's neat writing had been left at eye level. 

Youngbae. Jiyong: Got a call about an out of town job offer. Will be leaving for Anyang this afternoon. Be back tomorrow afternoon -Dongwook

Jiyong's eyes widened after reading the note. 

My lucky day. Dongwook hyung isn't even here! 

With that piece of knowledge in mind, Jiyong took a moment to relax and normalize his breathing. There was no need for him to be in a rush. 

Quietly, Jiyong calmly made his way into the one roomed home. 

The room was pitch black, the lamp off as it would be when anyone was sleeping. However, he heard something that alarmed him. Jiyong reached out to turn on the lamp so that a dim light illuminated the room. Youngbae, sleeping in his usual place furthest from the door and by the wall, was in the throes of a restless sleep. His brow was wet with perspiration as he fitfully whispered words that Jiyong couldn't make out. 

"Youngbae!" Jiyong said in an urgent whisper as he touched Youngbae's shoulder gently. 

Immediately, Youngbae's eyes were wide open as he was startled awake. 

"It's me, Jiyong!" Jiyong explained, automatically pulling Youngbae into an embrace. Just like the day Youngbae told him about his father, all Jiyong could think of to do was to hold Youngbae in his embrace until he was calm. To his relief, Youngbae relaxed into his arms.

Jiyong held Youngbae in his arms until Youngbae grasped one of his hands and said, "Jiyong, I'm okay now." 

"Are you sure?" 

Without answering, Youngbae freed himself from Jiyong's hold and went back to his original sleeping position, facing the wall with his back towards Jiyong.

Jiyong didn't say anything as he walked past Youngbae towards the bathroom and quickly showered and threw his dirty clothes into the hamper. He changed into his night clothes and re emerged from the bathroom to see that Youngbae had left the lamp on for him. 

Switching the lamp off, Jiyong settled himself next to Youngbae in the dark, wrapping one arm over Youngbae's waist because he knew that Youngbae would sleep better if he did so. 

Dongwook once grabbed his shoulder and shook him out of a nightmare. Jiyong had grumbled at being woken up, turned his back to his hyung, and went to sleep facing Youngbae. 

What he didn't know was that it wasn't Jiyong that was whispering and whimpering in his sleep.

It was Youngbae. 

"Please don't tell Dongwook. He feels bad enough as it is. I don't want him to feel any worse. I don't want him to change his mind," Youngbae had begged when Jiyong confronted him about the nightmare. They both knew that Dongwook was feeling very conflicted over his actions. That very same night after Dongwook went out of town for another job, Youngbae told him about the tears Dongwook hyung had shed, the guilt he still felt for doing what he did. 

After that, Jiyong decided that he would not tell Dongwook about Youngbae's nightmares, even though he originally wanted to. He was afraid that they would abandon this new life they had just started to build for themselves, that he would have to go back to live with their mother, that Youngbae would somehow end up back within his father's reach. No, Jiyong couldn't even let that be a possibility.

Instead, just like he did after Dongwook mistakenly woke him up from a nightmare that he didn't have, Jiyong was quiet. He put an arm over Youngbae's middle and pulled him close so that he was spooning Youngbae from behind. Just like before, Jiyong's presence, more than anything else, kept the nightmares at bay and Youngbae was able to drift off into slumber.

They both had the same thought before falling asleep.

We've come too far to be separated now.


End file.
